BER-ZER-KER!

[thejunipertree]

I am the opposite of sux0r. I am.

I made 45 cupcakes tonight, half of which have
patent leather black. I also have a brand new
tattoo (which isn't quite finished yet). I also
challenged Rat Bastard into a thumb wrestling
contest. And I listened to CD's tonight that
harkened back to my teenager-hood.

It's not making the *THING* looming in my head
go away.

Dorothea is dying.
Dorothea is my grandmother. I've discussed
her before.

She's in hospital, right now. Incoherant and
rambling on about how my father and his brother
have her tied to the kitchen table. She tried
to take her IV out several times, so she's been
put into restraints. She can't walk. She's on
oxygen. She has pneumonia. Her blood pressure
is skyrocketing. And she has an irregular
heart beat.

I don't know what the fuck to do.

My father called me from his cell phone, from
the hospital parking lot. He sounds...lost.
And broken. And afraid.

I've never heard him sound like that. I don't
know how to handle it and I don't know what to
do for him.

My mother told me that when his father died,
back when I was just a young chickling, he tried
to jump into the grave.

*sighs*

I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I'm waffling back and forth between manically
trying to boister my spirits and desperately
holding myself together to keening with loss that
hasn't even happened yet.

She's giving up and no one can stop her.
I'm just afraid for my father and how he's
going to react. He's always been this stalwart
bastion of strength to me. He rarely shows
emotion.

It's...alien to me, to see him in this light.