reap the whirlwind

[thejunipertree]

Once again, I'm left not knowing what to say.
My entire life, the whirlwind. I'm beginning
to desire wanting off the ride. The pit in my
stomach has expanded and I can taste it in my
throat.
I wonder what the hell must be wrong with me
that I drive people away in such numbers?
That I can't get a firm enough grasp on reality
and how to act in social situations long enough
to make myself understood?

I don't know.
It's not even as if anything new has happened
in my current situations. It's moreso the
plays and replays which go on in my head.
Constant. Churning.

The day that I wake up and no longer be filled
with self loathing will be a very happy
day, indeed.