thejunipertree | (no subject)

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I brought up some topics with my mother this afternoon that had never been pushed into light until now.

Specifically, the very real possibility that she could die in the near future and what will happen to my brother and I in the course of that event. It stemmed out of a visit to the oncologist today, where I finally straight out asked the doctor for a prognosis.

Without treatment, a handful of months.
With treatment, possibly years.

Nice broad range, right?

I handled things rather well, all things considered. I didn't get weepy, for one thing. And we discussed things for a brief period of time. I think I surprised the doctor with busting out with that particular question, but we need to be aware of these kinds of things. Now is the time to prepare for what may come sooner then we'd like.

I know she didn't take it very well, hearing it. But, I think it may be pushing her into accepting this more. Up until now, it doesn't appear to have sunk in very far. She knows she's sick, but she continually blames her various ailments on the different medications the doctors prescribe her. And while I'm sure that a slew of antibiotics isn't exactly making her want to jump up and dance a foxtrot (if she were so inclined), I also don't think that it is the sole cause of every woe. The doctor agrees with me on this, as he damn well should.

So, driving home from the appointment, I decided to just jump full into the water and bring up the subject of what's going to happen to my brother and I when she goes. We're certainly going to be unable to afford this apartment without her contributing portion. And it needs to be put into writing who gets what, just so neither of us get accused by any locusts descending on the funeral party that we're keeping things that should rightfully be theirs.

I managed to convince her that despite the fact she doesn't have any big money holdings, she does indeed need to write a will. Even if it's just scribbled on a piece of paper and notarized by Rowan. There needs to be one. End of story. I will absolutely NOT deal with a bunch of squabbling relatives.

I also managed to convince her that she, my brother, and I need to sit down and discuss what is going on. In great detail. We also need to discuss the state of our affairs, meaning the money situation and the bills she has in her name. Everything needs to be rounded up and organized into something resembling order. Even if she lives for another five to ten years, this still needs to be done NOW. I do not wish to be blindsided by any of this at any point. And since I'm the unlucky offspring who was chosen to handle all of her business, it will indeed be me who gets smacked in the face with the bill collector stick.

She asked me if I wanted my older sibling at this meeting and after a few minutes thought, I told her he is welcome to come if she wishes it and if he would like to be involved. She also started to give me a little speech about how she's telling me this now and I can tell the other two whenever I want, but when she does die, her brother and his family are not welcome at the funeral or any other service involved. I cut her off mid-way through the first couple words and let her know that I had made this decision weeks ago. Those people have made it abundantly clear that they do not wish to be part of this family anymore and I am more then happy to oblige them. They can find out about her death through the goddamn obituaries, for all I care. If I even decide to post an obituary. I still haven't decided about that. But, if they do find out and they do show up, they will be asked to leave. And not by me. Because if I do it, there's going to be bloodshed.

At one point riding home, she says: "I'm not ready for this."

"Ready for what, Mom?"

"I'm not ready to die."

And for the first time in months, I heard a bit of her old strength creep back into her voice. It was only there for that moment, but it made me smile and gave me a small spark of hope all the same.

I'm going to clutch that little spark to me in the months to come.
It's going to be very badly needed, because she's not the only one who's not ready for this.

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You need to come visit.
And soon.

The will, while unpleasant, winds up being pretty easy. My mom hand wrote hers before surgery and I typed it. Our neighbor notarized it and it was done. Kath left a folder on her bed when she went in. It had letters to us all and the will along with insurance stuff. Again, while unpleasant, it was helpful. Dealing with her death would have been enough without all the other stuff on top of it. I hope it's a long time before your mom has to do any of this. If I can do anything please let me know.

Yeah, the will thing seems to actually be the least of my worries right now. Oddly enough, that.

Well you know I am merely a Phone call away if you need anything.. even if it is going out to not be at home. I can dance for you in my big pink tutu, and sing Tina Turners, "Private Dancer"

So anyway.. You got the digits if you need them

Thank you, lady.
I have some plans in the works that I am going to need some help with. Information will be posted at a later date.

My God, I'm sorry. That sounds pretty rough.

It is pretty rough, but I seem to be muddling through it all without completely losing my mind. Completely.

Thank you, though.

You're a strong, tough girl pookie and you got that from a strong, tough woman who still scares me from many miles away and with a nasty illness. If ya need anything, give a call or drop a line.

It amuses me to this day that you're still afraid of my mom. ;)

What can I say. She just left a lasting impression on me.

xoxoxoxoxo I'm really sorry Tara...I hope you're doing alright. Your mother's a fighter and that is very inspiring.

Thank you, miss Alice.
I keep meaning to log onto AIM because I miss talking to you, but by the time I think of it, I'm already lying in bed. :/

One of these days.

senorita spooky, i'm so sorry. i will call you this week :|

I should be home during the week, at night at the very least. Usually after seven is a good time to catch me.

I miss you.

You are amazing, and I'm incredibly proud of you for grasping this particular bull by the horns and dealing with the things we were talking about regarding your mom's health and the various "stuff" should she pass. You did GREAT and should be proud of yourself, too, for being able to get past your fear and grief to handle this. And yes, DO hold onto that spark of the strong mom that showed itself yesterday...it's a good sign, and even if it fizzles out, it shows that she's still capable of getting that spark, it's the sign of a fighter. You know I'm here however you need me to be there for you sweetie. Good job!

Thank you, lady. The conversation we had on Sunday helped me decide about needing to do this.

I've had an idea, regarding financial matters with my mom. But, I haven't told anybody else about it because I'm not sure if/how it would work.

Are you available this evening to come over and possibly talk about it with me? Ellis, too. I need someone to bounce ideas off of.

Let me know.

Hey girlie...well done! it amazes me when I think about how far we've all come since the Plaza days...the West Philly contigent constantly think of you and your Mom, know that...we just don't want to stick our noses in and have you smack them...but please know that we are all here for you...

As far as the will stuff, I can have you speak to Tony's uncle Binki (Gome); he's an estate lawyer and will have quick answers for your questions...you can do via email, if its easier (and more comfortable) for you...he's pretty well versed in how to handle ailing relatives; Baba isn't doing too well...anyway, just let me know how I can help, 'k?

Also, we should have that girls night your Mom spoke of soon...

*hugs*
-El

I miss you and the rest of the West Philly persons. And I would never think of smacking your noses.

We should definitely do that girls night soon, too.

Of course we're available for you tonight. Tell me when and where and we'll be there. You know I'd do just about anything for you and yours..including The Engineer :o)

My apartment, around 8-ish?

Ok, but do you think it would be better talking about whatever in Chris' place, or will your mom be directly involved? Just trying to spare feelings, if possible. We'll be there at 8.

I've typed about five things here deleting them all. I don't know how to express what I'm trying to say beyond you are a better person then I could ever be.

Don't ever underestimate yourself, mister.

When things like this happen, you'd be amazed at the reserves of strength which suddenly pop into existence.

You've been through nasty piles of crap as well, so I know you have it in you. I just don't ever want to see you have to actually USE it, you know? I wouldn't wish this on anybody, not even my worst enemy.

Thank you, that's really kind of you. And I know what you mean. Well just know we're here for you when you need us and I am sure I'm not the only one who feels this, but if you ever need to draw from some of our reserves they are here for you.

i can't even start typing. i hate to be the crappy livejournal friend who says ::hugs::, but i am thinking of you, and i am sympathetically sorrowful, and proud. i agree with many of the other comments, and i'm going to shut up now.

Anytime someone ever types *hugs* or the like, I appreciate it. Sometimes, I decide that when I write an entry updating about this shit situation, I'm going to disable replies. But, then I realize that with each reply I get, even if it's not beyond a hug, it makes me feel a little better and gives me a bit more strength and sanity to deal with things.

So, thank you.

::back-cracking bear hug::

I admire you for your courage and ability to deal with this so clear-headedly.

*hug*

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