thejunipertree (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thejunipertree) wrote2002-03-04 01:23 am
thejunipertree) wrote2002-03-04 01:23 am
Entry tags:
No, I don't want to talk about it. So don't ask.
Smoking a cigarette, attempting to watch some goofy ass movie on HBO, and waiting for my laundry to dry so I can go to bed.
I seem to be stuck in some kind of blue funk. Not very much is effecting me, except for the cut on my right index finger (which occured in a freak, redneck, plastic lid to a coleslaw cup from KFC incident). I don't know. I'm not extremely fond of feeling like this.
I've been turning away when people go to touch me. A hand on the shoulder from my mother, a kiss from the Engineer. I shrink away like it's going to hurt. Everything has become dull coloured and soft padded. My edges are blurred again. I don't want anyone touching me.
I'm seriously thinking about going to the doctor for some anti-depressents when my insurance kicks in. And this, as those of you who know me well will realise, is NOT LIKE ME. I hate mood altering drugs, unless they're for recreational use.
But, I'm so sick of waking up every morning and wondering why the fuck am I even bothering. I'm tired of feeling grey and worn. Sad, for no reason.
And sad isn't even a strong enough word to cover the gamut of emotions I've been running. There are days when all I want to do is bury my head under my Hello Kitty blanket and weep.
When I'm not feeling sad, I'm a raging bitch on wheels.
Why do I feel like this? And what the fuck do I have to do to fix it?
I feel like there's nothing left inside of me.
I seem to be stuck in some kind of blue funk. Not very much is effecting me, except for the cut on my right index finger (which occured in a freak, redneck, plastic lid to a coleslaw cup from KFC incident). I don't know. I'm not extremely fond of feeling like this.
I've been turning away when people go to touch me. A hand on the shoulder from my mother, a kiss from the Engineer. I shrink away like it's going to hurt. Everything has become dull coloured and soft padded. My edges are blurred again. I don't want anyone touching me.
I'm seriously thinking about going to the doctor for some anti-depressents when my insurance kicks in. And this, as those of you who know me well will realise, is NOT LIKE ME. I hate mood altering drugs, unless they're for recreational use.
But, I'm so sick of waking up every morning and wondering why the fuck am I even bothering. I'm tired of feeling grey and worn. Sad, for no reason.
And sad isn't even a strong enough word to cover the gamut of emotions I've been running. There are days when all I want to do is bury my head under my Hello Kitty blanket and weep.
When I'm not feeling sad, I'm a raging bitch on wheels.
Why do I feel like this? And what the fuck do I have to do to fix it?
I feel like there's nothing left inside of me.
no subject
If you need to talk, I have 3000 night and weekend long distance minutes on my mighty cellphone. ;)
I miss you... feel better.
no subject