another update

[thejunipertree]

I'm not going on AIM right now because if I do, I'll never get off.

However, I'm dropping a short update to those of you who are paying attention to the psycho-drama which is my life.

My mom is still in the hospital. They had moved her to a room on the cardiac care floor for unknown reasons, but she is in the process of moving to another floor because the doctors don't think she should be in cardiac care. #339. They still don't know what's wrong and what's causing all of this, so she's not coming home today. Talking to her just now, she told me they have at least three more tests they want to do.

I know she's going crazy, being stuck there, and I've been given a laundry list of things to bring up to her (some of which include make-up, heh).

I've been fairly quiet, emotionally. I'm trying very hard to not let all of this drag me down into a screaming pool of unrest. When people ask me what's going on, I've calmly recited facts about the situation. This seems to just be a natural reaction of mine to stress. I can't help it. I withdraw, it's a survival mechanism.

Last night when The Engineer and I were leaving the apartment building to go shopping, he said to me "Tell me what's going on. You can't pull back and hide inside yourself this time."

But, I can't react. Not yet. Not until I know what's going on.

So much of this is bringing me back to last summer, that evil few months. And I start to shake whenever I drive up to the hospital because the memories haven't scarred over yet, if they ever will. But, it all gets tamped down under mindless tasks. For now.

Thank you to everyone who's had kind words of support in all of this.
I love you guys.

Comments

*hug*

[serpent-sky.livejournal.com]

Do whatever you need to get through, but know, if you do need to open up, or really, if you need anything at all, let me know. I can be on a train down there in a few hours if you need anything, okay?

*hugs*

I love ya, so really, don't hesitate. Tell your mom I'm thinking of her, as well.

Re: *hug*

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

I appreciate it, miss. I really do.

[the-tsm.livejournal.com]

Stay tough, T-lo.

. . .

And remember to make the veyr most of those few seconds it takes you to figure out that it's raining.

(runs away)

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

And remember to make the veyr most of those few seconds it takes you to figure out that it's raining.

[dartsdelight.livejournal.com]

*BIG SQUISHY HUGS* I am very proud of you for hanging in there -I hope that something is learned soon for everyone's sake. I'll be sending you all the positive, feel good, soothing vibes I have dear....feel free to message me anytime if you want to chat. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

Thank you, lady.
Especially for the soothing vibes. I need a lot of those right now.

[saturnia.livejournal.com]

Sending my thoughts your and your mother's way, Tara.

*hug*

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I appreciate it. :)

[vivaemptiness.livejournal.com]

e-fucking-gad.
this just won't do. =(

*big hugs*
i'm always available for distracting irrelevant conversation and/or activity. <3<3<3

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

We need to hang out soon, Miss Beth.
Thanks for your thoughts.

[verminefasciste.livejournal.com]

I'm not going on AIM right now because if I do, I'll never get off.

>:O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

>:O

[boringjuliana.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking foof-like hugs at you. Very much love to you Miss, I hope everything's ok.

:(

[madamewoselle.livejournal.com]

Hope you're doing alright, Tara, and that your mom is doing better. I'll be thinking about you. :( Be well, okay? And here's some get well vibes to your mother too *******************************************

[prgrmr.livejournal.com]

I'm not going on AIM right now because if I do, I'll never get off.

You're obviously not talking to the right people.

Seriously though, I hope they figure out what the deal is with your mom, and fix it. Keep in mind that as her immediate family, you don't have to take this "we don't know" shit for an answer. If they are doing tests, they are looking for something or looking to rule out something. They are freakin' obligated to tell your mom what those somethings are, at the very least.

Best of luck to you and your family