another update

[thejunipertree]

I'm not going on AIM right now because if I do, I'll never get off.

However, I'm dropping a short update to those of you who are paying attention to the psycho-drama which is my life.

My mom is still in the hospital. They had moved her to a room on the cardiac care floor for unknown reasons, but she is in the process of moving to another floor because the doctors don't think she should be in cardiac care. #339. They still don't know what's wrong and what's causing all of this, so she's not coming home today. Talking to her just now, she told me they have at least three more tests they want to do.

I know she's going crazy, being stuck there, and I've been given a laundry list of things to bring up to her (some of which include make-up, heh).

I've been fairly quiet, emotionally. I'm trying very hard to not let all of this drag me down into a screaming pool of unrest. When people ask me what's going on, I've calmly recited facts about the situation. This seems to just be a natural reaction of mine to stress. I can't help it. I withdraw, it's a survival mechanism.

Last night when The Engineer and I were leaving the apartment building to go shopping, he said to me "Tell me what's going on. You can't pull back and hide inside yourself this time."

But, I can't react. Not yet. Not until I know what's going on.

So much of this is bringing me back to last summer, that evil few months. And I start to shake whenever I drive up to the hospital because the memories haven't scarred over yet, if they ever will. But, it all gets tamped down under mindless tasks. For now.

Thank you to everyone who's had kind words of support in all of this.
I love you guys.

Comments

[the-tsm.livejournal.com]

Stay tough, T-lo.

. . .

And remember to make the veyr most of those few seconds it takes you to figure out that it's raining.

(runs away)

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

And remember to make the veyr most of those few seconds it takes you to figure out that it's raining.