thejunipertree | (no subject)

I should be going to bed. Correction: I should have gone to bed about an hour ago. But, my mind has been racing with all manner of things.

Most notably, my brain has been chasing its on tail on the subject of my Will. The Engineer lent me some books on thelema some time ago and I've been making my way through them. The one, which I had started out liking, has turned around in my opinion. It's much too short, doesn't explain things fully. It's like a colouring book for the occultist. One page discourse on any given subject from the author's table of contents. He prefaced the book with an explanation that it was written for his children. However, I feel deeply sorry for his offspring if they have to muddle through his half-illuminated philosophies and postulation.

The other book is slightly better, so far. I'm deeply critical of all occult texts, mainly because I have a big head and like to think of myself as an intelligent person. A large portion of the books I pick up, I wind up smirking at. Though I always finish them, even if I'm scowling my way through the rest of the pages, I always read all the way through. Even that wretched "Urban Voodoo" book by Hyatt and Black. (was it Hyatt and Black? I can't quite remember right now.)

But, all of this has made me think. What is my true Will?

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law. Love under Will.

What do I Will?
What do I want?

I need to break it down and out of generalised statements such as: I want to be happy. That's far too widereaching. I need more specifics. Okay: I want to be a mortician. Still, that doesn't quite do the job. It's not something which effects my day to day actions. It's a goal that I strive for. Hmm. I could break it down into a Stuart Smalley list of self-love and past-forgiveness, but that's too much hippie nonsense for my tastes. I could lay out certain specifics, like not wanting my mother to succumb to her cancer or wanting my father to quit performing home dentistry. I can't control either of those two things, so they're not mine.

Want. Will. True Will. True...desire.

I need to read more. And think more. And attempt to ignore all the ignorant Wobbly Headed Bobs who launch themselves uncontrollably at the light which is myself. Interesting bumper sticker seen this evening, which caused much hilarity between the Engineer and I: STOP WORLD WHINING.

hah!

What I really /need/ to do is stop drinking diet cherry Coke before bed, with a cigarette chaser. Nicotine and caffiene, you double headed bitch goddesses.

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The Doctor: "What are your goals?"

Seven of Nine: "Perfection."

Great. Now you've gone and gotten me to identify with a Star Trek character. I'm going to beat your ass now, woman! rawr!

If I wind up at a convention in a Borg costume, I'm holding you accountable. ^_^

Which books have you been reading?

The trouble with Crowley's perspective is that it's very Freudian. The 'True Will' is hidden away like a little treasure chest in the soil of the subconscious, and your task is to 'find' it.

The thing is, True Will is never once mentioned in Liber Legis. The concept that is mentioned is pure will, which is much more workable. Will in the Thelemic sense is not 'found' all at once, it is refined and constructed throughout your life. The 'true' quality is in the building, not in the being.

Which books have you been reading?

"New Aeon Magick: Thelema Without Tears", by Gerald del Campo. That's the one I'm not much liking because the chapters are so short. The further I get into that book, the more I think a Thelema for Dummies would be a more informative read. grr. del Campo almost seems to dumb it down /too/ much.

The other one is "The Magick of Thelema", by Lon Milo Duquette. I've only barely cracked this one, I'm still in the "Evolution of Magical Formulae" chapter. So I don't have much of an opinion formed of this one yet.

The trouble with Crowley's perspective is that it's very Freudian. The 'True Will' is hidden away like a little treasure chest in the soil of the subconscious, and your task is to 'find' it.

This is what I was beginning to suspect.

The thing is, True Will is never once mentioned in Liber Legis. The concept that is mentioned is pure will, which is much more workable. Will in the Thelemic sense is not 'found' all at once, it is refined and constructed throughout your life. The 'true' quality is in the building, not in the being.

Liber Legis is probably going to be the next book I theif from the Engineer's bookshelf, I'm almost completely positive that he owns it. A long time ago, I was put off of Crowley by an ex-boyfriend who wanted nothing more then to impress girls with his uberspooky-I'M-A-GRAND-MAGICIAN-BWAAAA! attitude. He lent me Liber Aleph (I think that was the book) and then got mad when after reading it, I said Crowley was a blowhard. ^_^

I think I was moreso rebelling against the stupid ex-boyfriend then I was against Crowley's books, despite the fact that I think Uncle Al has a tendancy to run at the fricking mouth. This rebellion and distaste has kept me from reading about these things later on in life, until now. So, I've decided to give it another try. I've pretty much run through all of the voudoun/vodoun/voodoo/whatever books I could find, so now I'm looking for things to enhance my workings with that.

"New Aeon Magick: Thelema Without Tears"

Oh, dear God, NO. That is a travesty.

"The Magick of Thelema"

Somewhat better, but both these books are much more about 'thelemism' than about Thelema per se. The trouble is that there is no definitive Thelema, so a lot of COTO types like Campo and DuQuette try to claim that it is all about doing the Pentagram and going to Gnostic Mass and talking about Will a lot and before you know it, the (ineffective) machinery has choked off the power source altogether, and all you have might as well be Wicca.

Liber Aleph is notorious for pissing people off. It's a pompous, misogynistic piece of work.

I'd really recommend Magick without Tears as a Crowley book; it was written towards the end of his life, when he really no longer gave a shit, and as such is much more lucid than most of the others.

Oh, dear God, NO. That is a travesty.

hah! This seems to be a common reaction from people, it would seem.

Liber Aleph is notorious for pissing people off. It's a pompous, misogynistic piece of work.

I'd really recommend Magick without Tears as a Crowley book; it was written towards the end of his life, when he really no longer gave a shit, and as such is much more lucid than most of the others.

I'll have to dig that one up. I remember a conversation with the Engineer about that book, but I can't remember if he actually has it.

Thanks for the advice.