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Jun. 11th, 2003 01:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thejunipertreeI should be going to bed. Correction: I should have gone to bed about an hour ago. But, my mind has been racing with all manner of things.
Most notably, my brain has been chasing its on tail on the subject of my Will. The Engineer lent me some books on thelema some time ago and I've been making my way through them. The one, which I had started out liking, has turned around in my opinion. It's much too short, doesn't explain things fully. It's like a colouring book for the occultist. One page discourse on any given subject from the author's table of contents. He prefaced the book with an explanation that it was written for his children. However, I feel deeply sorry for his offspring if they have to muddle through his half-illuminated philosophies and postulation.
The other book is slightly better, so far. I'm deeply critical of all occult texts, mainly because I have a big head and like to think of myself as an intelligent person. A large portion of the books I pick up, I wind up smirking at. Though I always finish them, even if I'm scowling my way through the rest of the pages, I always read all the way through. Even that wretched "Urban Voodoo" book by Hyatt and Black. (was it Hyatt and Black? I can't quite remember right now.)
But, all of this has made me think. What is my true Will?
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law. Love under Will.
What do I Will?
What do I want?
I need to break it down and out of generalised statements such as: I want to be happy. That's far too widereaching. I need more specifics. Okay: I want to be a mortician. Still, that doesn't quite do the job. It's not something which effects my day to day actions. It's a goal that I strive for. Hmm. I could break it down into a Stuart Smalley list of self-love and past-forgiveness, but that's too much hippie nonsense for my tastes. I could lay out certain specifics, like not wanting my mother to succumb to her cancer or wanting my father to quit performing home dentistry. I can't control either of those two things, so they're not mine.
Want. Will. True Will. True...desire.
I need to read more. And think more. And attempt to ignore all the ignorant Wobbly Headed Bobs who launch themselves uncontrollably at the light which is myself. Interesting bumper sticker seen this evening, which caused much hilarity between the Engineer and I: STOP WORLD WHINING.
hah!
What I really /need/ to do is stop drinking diet cherry Coke before bed, with a cigarette chaser. Nicotine and caffiene, you double headed bitch goddesses.
Most notably, my brain has been chasing its on tail on the subject of my Will. The Engineer lent me some books on thelema some time ago and I've been making my way through them. The one, which I had started out liking, has turned around in my opinion. It's much too short, doesn't explain things fully. It's like a colouring book for the occultist. One page discourse on any given subject from the author's table of contents. He prefaced the book with an explanation that it was written for his children. However, I feel deeply sorry for his offspring if they have to muddle through his half-illuminated philosophies and postulation.
The other book is slightly better, so far. I'm deeply critical of all occult texts, mainly because I have a big head and like to think of myself as an intelligent person. A large portion of the books I pick up, I wind up smirking at. Though I always finish them, even if I'm scowling my way through the rest of the pages, I always read all the way through. Even that wretched "Urban Voodoo" book by Hyatt and Black. (was it Hyatt and Black? I can't quite remember right now.)
But, all of this has made me think. What is my true Will?
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law. Love under Will.
What do I Will?
What do I want?
I need to break it down and out of generalised statements such as: I want to be happy. That's far too widereaching. I need more specifics. Okay: I want to be a mortician. Still, that doesn't quite do the job. It's not something which effects my day to day actions. It's a goal that I strive for. Hmm. I could break it down into a Stuart Smalley list of self-love and past-forgiveness, but that's too much hippie nonsense for my tastes. I could lay out certain specifics, like not wanting my mother to succumb to her cancer or wanting my father to quit performing home dentistry. I can't control either of those two things, so they're not mine.
Want. Will. True Will. True...desire.
I need to read more. And think more. And attempt to ignore all the ignorant Wobbly Headed Bobs who launch themselves uncontrollably at the light which is myself. Interesting bumper sticker seen this evening, which caused much hilarity between the Engineer and I: STOP WORLD WHINING.
hah!
What I really /need/ to do is stop drinking diet cherry Coke before bed, with a cigarette chaser. Nicotine and caffiene, you double headed bitch goddesses.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-11 05:53 am (UTC)If I wind up at a convention in a Borg costume, I'm holding you accountable. ^_^