Robin's car-1, Tara-0

[thejunipertree]

So last night, in the middle of the hurricane, Miss Robin and I decide that we need to go to the 24 hour drugstore to buy twenty Atkins candy bars. It is one in the morning, the wind is howling around us, and the rain has been alternating between coming down in sheets and not coming down at all.

So, we're driving down this twisty road when all of a sudden a tree branch is RIGHT in front of us. I'm hollaring, "Look out!" and she's hollaring, "It's okay!"

We drive right over it. And it becomes lodged in the underneath of her car. Pulling over, she tells me that she'll get out and do it, because I'm wearing my little canvas Mary Janes and there is a river flowing next to the car on the passenger side in the gutter.

This sounds like a good solution, however the tree branch just won't come out. I climb out of the car, leaping over the river and into wet grass where I miraculously didn't break my fucking leg.

Taking hold of this big ass branch, I give it a mighty pull and....

...nothing. It won't fucking budge.

By now, we're hysterically laughing. It's just too ridiculous not to. Miss Robin walks to the front of the car and crouches down, in an attempt to see if the branch can be pulled out from there. And I put my hand on the open car door, leaning on it.

For some damnable reason, my arm JERKED and I smacked myself in the face with her car door. Hard. Right on the chin, under my labret stud. To the point where little twittering birdies flew around my head, chirping merrily.

Now Miss R is half shouting, "OMG ARE YOU OKAY?!" and half laughing her fucking ass off. I'm bent double, hand clapped to my face, half groaning in pain and half laughing MY fucking ass off. I missed my labret by half an inch, hitting that with the force which I hit myself with would have been disasterous. And now I have a big welt on my chin, like someone socked me.

We decide the best course to take is for her to get in the car and pull up a bit, see if that dislodges the branch. Which doesn't work. So she backs up. Still doesn't work. Drives up even further. No go.

By now, I'm standing on some stranger's lawn at one thirty in the morning practically pissing my pants with screaming laughter. Soaked shoes and cotton skirt from the goddamn river in the gutter, standing there rubbing my fucking chin.

She drives up a little bit more and we hear a loud *CRACK!*

If that wasn't that fucking branch, it might be your car!

We pull the branch out and brandish it over our heads, yelling triumphantly. Then I throw it onto the stranger's lawn with a tremendous heave. I watch it soar through the air like a motherfucking Olympic javelin. Golden, caught in the streetlight. My head spun crazily.

Throughout this entire spectacle, the rain had stopped. And the whole time, I was praying to myself for it not to start again, but I was afraid to say something a loud or make a joke for fear of jinxing us even further.

Now, as I walk around to the passenger side of the car the sky opens up and it begins to fucking POUR.

If it had rained while we were going through all of that, I think I would have had to sit down on the side of the road and laugh my fucking ass off.

Comments

[chicanerys-muse.livejournal.com]

I feel a sitcom brewing..:P

[mothdemon.livejournal.com]

i forget how hard you make me laugh sometimes.
luckily my ass will be sore for some time now after falling off of this chair.