(no subject)

[thejunipertree]

Breathe in.
Rasp out.

Bubble in my chest. Racking old man cough loud
enough to wake the neighbours. If they were still
asleep, that is. Which they shouldn't be. And if
they are, then they're all a bunch of slackers.

Oh, Engineer....?

I'm trying very diligently to not focus on the
conversation which I had with Richard last night.
I'm trying so hard to not remember the twist
my heart did in my chest, the draining drop.
It's such a familiar feeling. I just never thought
that even in a million years he would be the
one causing it.

I try to be a perfect girl. But, I fall terribly
short. Constantly. Always. I try so hard to live
up to peoples' expectations. I do nothing but
land flat on my face.

I'm tired of trying, to be quite honest. And I'm
getting most tired of breathing.

He used to have such different opinions and ideas
about where he wanted this relationship to go.
That's all changed now and he is full of doubt.
When did that happen? And was I so blindly
immersed in my own self-centeredness that I didn't
take notice?

I could kick myself.

My shoulders hurt from coughing.