It's a jolly auld day with yew, Mairee Poppins!

I want a parasol. In the worst way.
From here: www.tenebrae.com

Lately, I've just been using a small black
umbrella that I bought in a drugstore. It's
keen, as it doesn't unfold like most other
umbrellas do. But, it's still quite obviously
an umbrella.

I want a /parasol./

It's amazing how people react to me when I use
the umbrella that I have on a bright, sunny,
sinister hot day (like today). It's mostly
used at work, when I'm on a cigarette break.
There is no shade where the employees are made
to stand around and I do not desire any accidental
colouring, wrinkles, skin cancer, etc.

No, thank you.

So, I bought this little umbrella and dutifully
unfold it whenever I step outside of my office.

Well.

You'd think that I just sprouted a second head
which could only speak Swahili with a bad
stutter. You'd think I was walking around with
a decomposed rat on top of my head. You'd
think that I was sitting outside of my office,
masturbating with a crucifix.

People just can't comprehend that I (1.) don't
wish to tan. (2.) don't wish to have early
wrinkles. (3.) don't wish to have skin cancer

(yes, yes...I quite realise the fact that I
am out there SMOKING. You may hush up now.
My main reason is no tanning.)

It's also extremely bright outside and very,
very hot. I wear all black and must keep my
arms covered as I have large tattoos that are
frowned upon in the office dresscode. That, and I
don't much care for sweating.

Well, unless I happen to be naked/in various
stages of undress, slammed up against a wall,
fistfuls of my hair in someone's grasp...errrr...

I digress.

Ummm. Where was I?

Right. Parasols. Definitely wasn't talking
about sex. No. Not me. Not me at ALL.

So, I carry and use this umbrella most every day.
And people just can't seem to handle this alien
concept in their little, cog-in-the-machine-
office-drone brains.

"It's not raining! Hee! Hee!"

"Why do you have an umbrella? It's SUNNY out."

"Hey, Mary Poppins!"

Gah.

Any my personal favourite, said when after I've
explained how I don't care to be tan:

"What do you mean, you don't like tanning?
How could you NOT?"

Blar!

Everyone is now cordially invited to bite my ass.

*handstapleforehead*

Heh.