Tao of the Star-Bellied Sneetch

I want a pink sparkly ball gown and a big
tinsel crown so I can be a slap happy, tree
hugging, bunny fucker too.

Gah.

I wish I could be as deluded as some people. I
wish I could believe in the things which they
do. That the universe is a kind and happy place.
That the Three Fold Law makes a fucking
difference to how people interact with other
people. That every woman is a Goddess and every
man a God.

But, I can't believe those things. I think they're
bullshit. And I've seen enough of the nasty side
of life to know what I'm talking about.

I've recently began rediscovering my occult roots,
in case there are those of you out there
reading this are a bit clueless as to what I'm
talking about.

I never was a Wiccan. I'm just not shiny happy
enough for that. I never will be one, either.
Because I don't foresee myself ever becoming
shing and happy enough to be that.

To be quite frank though, I've no idea what I am.
Or even if I am anything. I study varied paths
and religions, all of them vastly different
from one another. Some are even of the Judeo-
Christian slant. Hey, I think Catholicism is a
nifty idea even.

But, I can't settle on just one. None of them
jump out and grab me by the back of the neck
and give me one of those quick, little shakes
as to say "Hey! Dumb ass! Wake up and pay
attention!"

It's sad, really. And I envy those who are able
to follow one clear and direct road to
enlightenment/salvation/Zen/whathaveyou. I really
do envy them.

Because I want someone, something that I can
go to and ask to be cleansed of my sins. To be
made pure and unblemished. To remove all these
marks on my body and psyche that life, as well
as myself, have put there.

I want confession. I want retribution. I want
a culmination of love and light and life.

But, mostly what I really want now is for the
Wee One and Jebidiah to get their sux0r asses
over to my apartment and pick me the fuck up.

I'm bored.

I'd also like a kitten, too. If that's at all
possible. Which it probably isn't.

Lo and behold! The Fates smile down upon
me because they've just shown up.