fuck.

Evening holds many things. I went to Wemble's engagement party, as the Queen of Bridesmaids is wont to do. Not a bad time, though there could have been less talk of Star Trek/Star Wars whatever the fuck.

Afterwards was the bookstore and me running late for the weekly witchy group. I came in at the tailend and missed the entire night's presentation (look how I weep, O! I am weeping.), but managed to make it in time for the diner.

After going over my finances this evening at said diner, I have to this realisation: I'm fucked. One, because I do my finances whilst out at the diner with my friends. And two, because I am FUCKING BROKE. My gubmint check has only been with my since Friday afternoon, even!

I had to pay my loan installment (which they still have not taken out of my account), pay a bill or two, send eBay money to Carrie (mine and the Engineer's), pay my (very late) monthly installment to the vet for Edgar's surgery (yes, I'm still paying that off), and give my mom money for rent.

Not only this, but it would seem that the Emperor Nympho is ill and I need to take him to the vet. This cost is completely unknown to me. It could be just the fee for a office visit or it could be a whole heap of things.

Even if it's just the fee for the office visit, I'm screwed. As of right now, there's $64 dollars in my bank balance. That's with almost all of the above costs taken out of my available money. Excluding money to my mom and Nympho's vet visit.

As it looks now, I won't be able to give my mother any money AT ALL and possibly not even be able to pay for the kitty doctor.

*sigh*

I'd gone through my CDs this evening, for ones that I have little problem parting with. I've got a stack of about 19 or 20, but I'm unsure as to how much money I can get for them. There's a few more out in the car that I'm going to pawn, as well. Like that stupid Electric Hellfire Club CD and the Birthday Party Peel sessions.

This is so fucking depressing. I need $75 for my (very late) vet bill installment, around $100 for my mother, and who knows how much for Nympho's vet appointment. That wee stack of CDs is only going to net me about $40, at the MOST. I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't keep putting off the installment bill, as it's already a month late and they've begun calling me. I can't put off the couple of bills that I need to pay, as they're already late too. My loan payment DEFINITELY can't be put off, because my dad's the co-signer on it and I can't fuck with his credit. Not only that, but the bank I have it with does a direct withdrawal from my account for that. So anything that's in there when they do the transaction automatically goes out. I can't stop it, not even if I HAD to. That definitely can't be put off. The vet appointment can't be put off either, as I'm very worried about the cat's health. And I HAVE to give my mother money for rent, as she is also very strapped for cash.

*profanity deleted*

I just sat, for quite some time, staring blankly at the computer screen. Because I really don't know what else to do. The money that I do have in the bank has all been delegated already. There's nothing else. Can't squeeze blood from a stone, right?

It's not like I blew all my check on random shit and Halloween swag. The only thing I bought for myself out of this check other than food and cigarettes is a single book. It's just that these unemployment checks are not even close to the minimum amount of money I need for my bills and suchlike.

I HAVE GOT TO FIND A FUCKING JOB.

eBaying the things that I have in a bin next to my desk won't do a damn bit of good, because I need this money NOW. I've sent out a billion resumes, but nobody's calling back.

*more profanity deleted*

I think I'm going to take a bath.

discomfort comes clearly

Well, that was mostly painless. I sold around 22 CDs to the little shop near my ex-workplace. Getting there was a bit difficult, as I screwed up the jug handle turn not once, but TWICE. However, the Hearse I spotted in the parking lot and the sun warm on my face managed to lift my mood slightly.

My mother saw me coming out of my room, stack of CDs in my arms and balanced in place with my chin. "ooh! Where are you off to?" I think she feared that I was going to put them all in her car, as I already have quite a selection residing in there.

I sold (lemme see if I can remember them all):

* that stupid Electric Hellfire Club CD of all cover songs relating to the devil
* Birthday Party Peel sessions
* Dido- No Angel
* Cocteau Twins- Treasure
* Roy Orbison- Greatest Hits
* Dusty Springfield- Hits
* New Order- umm, that big double CD who's title I forget
* Tori Amos- Strange Little Girls (which the Engineer bought for me on my birthday last year. I didn't like the album very much and never listen to it. Sorry, Engineer. :( )
* Some Linkin Park CD that got sent to me from BMG as the monthly selection. I didn't select it, but they sent it to me anyway. Bah! I never even opened it.
* The Velvet Underground- the one with the banana on the cover.
* Belle and Sebastian- Fold your hands child, you walk like a peasant.
* Sneaker Pimps- I can't remember the title
* Lisa Germano- can't remember the title, but it wasn't Geek the Girl.
* Dinosaur Jr.- Where you been?


errrr. I can't remember the rest of them. But, there were 22 in all (counting the New Order CD as two CDs). It got me fifty dollars. Slightly more than I was expecting, but still not even close to the amounts that I need right now. Oh well. It's something.

I set up a vet appointment for 7:15 this evening for the Emperor Nympho. He is NOT going to be happy about this. And he's a yowler, as any of my meatspace friends who have met this particular cat can attest to. I'm really, really hoping that it's nothing and that I'll just have to pay for the office visit and maybe some medication for his eye infection. Though, I doubt this. They'll most likely have to run some blood work and that is always expensive.

...gah.

...

He has diabetes.

Insulin shots for the rest of his life.

*sigh*