(no subject)

Rehashed some moments of the past, this evening. And yes, I laughed my silly fool head off whilst doing so. But, I still feel anger. And pain. And dissatisfaction. And the urge to just snap the neck of all parties concerned.

I don't trust easily. Or often. So therefore it hurts all the more when that trust is taken by those I love and ground into the dirt under bootheel.

You turned me into this.

I called you a friend, I called her a friend. And both of you saw fit to take the word 'friend' and transform it into a blade. Then slammed that knife directly into my exposed and vulnerable back.

It makes me laugh.

Not really.

6...7...all good girls go to heaven...


Not many people have seen me fully in the throes of anger. The seething corned cat, fingers curled into twisted claws, spitting ball of hate. Yes, some of you have seen me spew profanity until the air is blue and thick with it. But, you've never been allowed to see the ire that curdles just below the surface.

They drove me to that point.

And at that moment in time, I could have cheerfully disemboweled any one of them with my bare hands. I still could, especially when I go back and read her words again. Read how wrong I apparently was for feeling so abused. How I was obviously so damaged and deranged because I apparently couldn't let go of my pain.

I hope you still feel guilt for what you did to me. I hope it's burned a comet trail through the sky of your sight. And I hope you cry at night, in the wee and lonely hours, for knowing what you've lost.

I'm a force of fucking nature.