BEST JOKE EVER

Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption problem all over the world.

After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try to buy up all the drugs themselves and thereby remove them from circulation. It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members return to earth to buy the different types of drugs.

The secret operation is effected and two days later the commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:

"Who is it?"

"It's Paul"

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Paul?"

"Hashish from Morocco"

"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark"

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia"

"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"

"It's Matthew"

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Matthew?"

"Cocaine from Bolivia"

"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"

"It's John"

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring John?"

"Crack from New York"

"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"

"It's Luke"

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Luke?"

"Speed from Amsterdam"

"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"

"It's Judas"

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Judas ?"

"The FBI, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!"

Psalm 462: The way to succeed and not mop the floor.

"Please mop the floor tomorrow." she says last night.
Okay!

However, the trick with mopping floors? You have to have some sort of floor cleaner to do it. We have no floor cleaner. The floors are still not mopped. I've looked everywhere in the apartment for something resembling that which I can clean the floor with and there is nothing to be found.

And I'm not into the idea of cleaning the floor with vinegar. This entire place will smell like a goddamn Easter egg. And I'm having none of that. If I had some Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap, that would do the trick. Ok! Ok! Rinse!

Also, I keep getting strange calls.

*ring!*
Hello?
nothing.
Grrr. *hang up*

hour later:

*ring!*
Hello?
nothing.
HELLO?
@#$%! *hang up*

another hour later:

*ring!*
HOLA COMO ESTA?!
nothing.
MELISSA NO EN CASA!
EL DIABLO ESTA MI PANTALONES!
nothing.
*hang up*

Stupid phone.
Stupid dirty floors.
Stupid unemployment.