First, Thai food. Then we take wild birds!

Well.

I'm 29 officially, as of two days ago. I just haven't gotten around to writing anything about it.

I did the actual celebrating of my birthday on Saturday, as that was the best time for everyone I could scrape up to get together. Miss Robin, Thee Pumpkin Girl, The Wee Ninja, and Stef were in attendance.

They took me out for Thai food, which was glorious. And because it was My Birthday (tm), I fell off the Atkins wagon for the night. Which is OKAY. I had some form of duck, made with Chambord liquor. And this was quite nice, except for the fact that there were many small balls in my food. Some of which were identified as grapes. The others were identified as blueberries, which I found wholeheartedly disgusting. I do not like balls in my food, which was something I repeated several times over much to everyone's hilarity.

I also had a concoction called 'Thai iced tea'. Which was violently orange. Some form of ground black tea with sweet condensed milk and light cream. The first taste of it made me draw my glass in closer to me with one arm and glare at anyone coming near, which made TPG laugh. However, five sips later and I was feeling a bit woozy from the sugar. Unfortunate, because it tasted so good. But, I believe all of that real sweet was just a bit much for me.

Butterflies and pterodactyls later, we rampaged through Target where all of us (now briefly minus a Stef) bought thermal underwear. Don't ask questions, just accept it. Two hours later, we stopped at my apartment to make a phone call and pick up the present my brother had given to me a few hours before. Wee Ninja left and we picked up her brother. It was decided that we had a quota to fulfill.

Miss R, TPG, The Unibomber (Wee Ninja's brother), and I travelled to Stef's house where she and a few other people had been waiting for us. I was greeted with a billion hugs from Stef's husband, Justin, who is one of the grandest people on the face of this earth.

We chilled in the basement full of black lights, listened to Justin spin some 'swinghouse' (I've decided that I like this enormously and need quite an amount of it on cd), and did bonghits until my eyes swam blearily. Much smack was talked, much giggling was to be had, and I told so many bad jokes I recently learned that I'm sure I made a fool of myself.

TPG and I sat on the floor, with this gigantic bouncey ball and played catch for about an hour and a half, trying to see who could knock the other over first. I also tried to knock down a three year old girl played catch with someone's daughter.

At one point we were all lined up on the couches down there, Miss R was in a coma-like state, and I drowsed quietly with my head on the arm of the couch. Someone else was spinning, I don't think it was Justin at that point. And the track that came on seemed strangely familiar in the first few beats, but I couldn't place my finger on what it was.

In a way, it's all a matter of time
I will not worry for you, You'll be just fine
Take my thoughts with you, and when you look behind
You will surely see a face that you recognize

Then it hit me what the track was. It was a song that the Antichrist had put on the first mixed tape he made for me years ago, one that I hadn't listened to in forever.

You're not alone, I'll wait till the end of time

Sitting there with my chin on my hand and my feet tucked up under me, I began to smile to myself. I usually feel alone, no matter who I'm surrounded by. It's something that I've fought with my entire life, no matter what anyone has tried to tell me. I've always been the one to duck my head, feeling strange and out of place. Unloved. Unwanted.

But, down in that basement I realised some strong truths.

I have friends who love me deeply, no matter how weird I can get and no matter what bizarre shit falls out of my mouth. They love me for me. And I'm surrounded by them. Maybe not everyone I would have liked to have been there was there in person, but I could still feel them. All of them. And even though those people I desperately wish could have been there weren't, like The Engineer and Miss Carrie and Wemble and a host of other people I could name, I think it was the best birthday I've ever had in a long time.

That night was the first time I've ever felt strong. Whole.

Thank you. All of you, beyond the handful of people who were actually with me. You've all changed me for the better and I am eternally grateful.

I'm not alone.