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Jun. 2nd, 2005 12:39 amEarlier this week, like Sunday or Monday, I decided that if I was going to continue to yap about how crap I think the Lord of the Rings movies were, then I should watch the extended versions of them. Everyone goes on at length about how great they are and how much better than the theatre versions. So I, being the diplomatic soul that I am, gave it a shot.
I saw all three of them when they were out in the theatre, but managed to fall asleep during every single one. The second one being the worst of it for sleeping, I missed damn near the majority of the movie. Waking up during the big battle scene was a bit unsettling, I should also mention. Fall asleep during some quiet scene with elves walking through a misty wood and being all sad, wake up during a huge fight with mutant elephants? Fuck that.
On Monday, I curled sloth-like on the Engineer's couch and watched parts one and two. I didn't come away from them with much, other then giggling quite a bit over the Engineer's comments.
him: If I directed these movies, I would have had Mia Tyler play Liv Tyler's part.
me: Oh yeah? You like her better?
him: Definitely. She should wear all the same clothes that her sister does though, but she has to run around a lot and be out of breath all the time.
him: I think Rivendall should have more Ewoks in it.
me: It doesn't currently have any.
him: I know. And the Ewoks should throw food at the elves.
me: Should Isengard (or whatever the fuck it's spelled) have ninjas?
him: No. Pirates.
bwaa!
Tonight I decided I was going to watch the third movie, since I had nothing else better to do. It's Boy-Free Night (tm) and I'm not currently living in filth and squalor, so I stole it out of the Engineer's living room and brought it down to my apartment. It's still playing, almost finished though, but I got a bit bored.
I can, however, sum up my feelings on this trilogy before I completely finish watching the third installment:
1. Frodo is a whiney little maggot.
2. Hobbits are pretty lame.
3. Ian McKellan kicks everyone's ass. He's the only one in the entire trilogy who gets to wear a good hat.
4. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THING THAT VIGGO MORTENSON CUT THE HEAD OFF OF WITH THE TEETH AND THE NO EYES AND THE BIG METAL HAT?! OMFG. THANKS FOR THE NIGHTMARES, PETER JACKSON, YOU SLOBBY PIECE OF SHIT!!
5. Goonies never say die.
6. These movies would be so much better ifHugo Weaving was allowed to get all Agent Smith if the fat hobbit told the other one to stfu and quit bitching if Orlando Bloom didn't make it past the first casting call for the part of the elf. His character isn't even integral to the plot, other then to stand around, shoot a few arrows, and generally be annoying. I could probably handle the standing around, the arrow shooting, and the general annoyance factor, but for the fact that he does this all with perfectly cream-rinsed hair while every one else's hair looks as if they ran fist-fulls of cat shit through it. And why do most of the elves have blonde hair and black eyebrows? WTF?
7. Can someone please fucking explain to me why Liv Tyler's character is going to die? I think I missed something and I am NOT going back to find out.
In conclusion, I can safely say that I still don't like these movies and don't quite understand the appeal that they hold for gibbering fangirls the world over. Now that the third one is winding to a close, I'm going to go back to that scene with the creepy maitre'd guy with the big teeth and the no eyes and the big metal hat to freak myself out some more. He was the best part.
I saw all three of them when they were out in the theatre, but managed to fall asleep during every single one. The second one being the worst of it for sleeping, I missed damn near the majority of the movie. Waking up during the big battle scene was a bit unsettling, I should also mention. Fall asleep during some quiet scene with elves walking through a misty wood and being all sad, wake up during a huge fight with mutant elephants? Fuck that.
On Monday, I curled sloth-like on the Engineer's couch and watched parts one and two. I didn't come away from them with much, other then giggling quite a bit over the Engineer's comments.
him: If I directed these movies, I would have had Mia Tyler play Liv Tyler's part.
me: Oh yeah? You like her better?
him: Definitely. She should wear all the same clothes that her sister does though, but she has to run around a lot and be out of breath all the time.
him: I think Rivendall should have more Ewoks in it.
me: It doesn't currently have any.
him: I know. And the Ewoks should throw food at the elves.
me: Should Isengard (or whatever the fuck it's spelled) have ninjas?
him: No. Pirates.
bwaa!
Tonight I decided I was going to watch the third movie, since I had nothing else better to do. It's Boy-Free Night (tm) and I'm not currently living in filth and squalor, so I stole it out of the Engineer's living room and brought it down to my apartment. It's still playing, almost finished though, but I got a bit bored.
I can, however, sum up my feelings on this trilogy before I completely finish watching the third installment:
1. Frodo is a whiney little maggot.
2. Hobbits are pretty lame.
3. Ian McKellan kicks everyone's ass. He's the only one in the entire trilogy who gets to wear a good hat.
4. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THING THAT VIGGO MORTENSON CUT THE HEAD OFF OF WITH THE TEETH AND THE NO EYES AND THE BIG METAL HAT?! OMFG. THANKS FOR THE NIGHTMARES, PETER JACKSON, YOU SLOBBY PIECE OF SHIT!!
5. Goonies never say die.
6. These movies would be so much better if
7. Can someone please fucking explain to me why Liv Tyler's character is going to die? I think I missed something and I am NOT going back to find out.
In conclusion, I can safely say that I still don't like these movies and don't quite understand the appeal that they hold for gibbering fangirls the world over. Now that the third one is winding to a close, I'm going to go back to that scene with the creepy maitre'd guy with the big teeth and the no eyes and the big metal hat to freak myself out some more. He was the best part.