Very little known fact: I have a serious problem with The Learning Channel (and to a lesser extent, since it became so asstastic of late, The Discovery Channel). I can sit and watch it for hours upon hours, especially when they show programs like
I am My Own Twin and
Born Without a Face.
Wednesday night, I had the apartment to myself because the Engineer was at his ooky-spooky Freemason meeting and my brother was passed out in his bedroom. And I hit a veritable
jackpot of television-watching.
I came in the door, fed all the animals, and sat down on the ottoman to take my boots off. This is standard procedure for What Happens When Tara Comes Home (tm). Occasionally, I switch this up with Making The Cats Sing Before I Feed Them (tm) or, one of my personal favorites, Running To The Bathroom With My Coat On Before I Pee Myself (tm).
At any rate, this was a normal night. On the ottoman, taking off boots, starving because I hadn't really eaten all day, and browsing through the tv guide function to see if anything good was currently on.
And what do I spy?
I Eat 33,000 Calories A Day.
...buh?
I have no words.
For the next thirty minutes, I continued to sit on the ottoman (with only one shoe taken off because I got distracted by this program) and I stared at the horror on the screen.
Close your eyes. Now imagine eating 33,000 calories in a day.
They kept showing close-ups of this one man (who hadn't been able to leave his apartment in five years and needed continuous pure oxygen pumped into his nose) while he was eating fried egg sandwiches.
My stomach warred with itself, torn between being direly hungry and
never wanting to eat ever the fuck again.
The entire experience left me full of a healthy dose of self-loathing and an inexplicable craving for sausages.
After this program came
Abigal and Brittany Turn 16, which actually sounds more like some kind of dodgy wankfest of a film instead of something you'd find on The Learning Channel.
It was about a set of conjoined twins who are basically two heads on one body. Easily my favorite type of conjoined twins, and easily beating
Lori and Dori Schappell hands down (the little one in that set seems to be such a goddamn
bitch, although I reckon I would also be a wee cunty if in addition to being a twin cojoined at the face, I also had a raging case of spinal bifada). Also, pardon me, it's not Dori. It's
Reba. *
Later on, while discussing the Abigal and Brittany show with the Engineer:
me: They've mostly got their own organs, each. Two hearts, two sets of lungs, two stomachs, two small intestines. But, they share a liver and they share a small intestine.
him: Do they have only one vagina?
me: *withering look* Yes. They have only one vagina.
him: Can they both feel out of the vagina?
me: *glare*
him: What? They each only feel on one side of the body. It's an honest question.
me: It's also not something that the Learning Channel really got into. Although I suppose that if you absolutely must know, I reckon they do indeed
both feel out of the vagina.
footnote-
* Just as an aside, on the Wiki page for Lori and
Reba, I saw this:
Said Lori: "I do not ask for anything from Reba. I don't get in to her concerts free just because she's a conjoined twin. I have to pay, just like every other fan that comes to the concert." Seriously, what the shit is that? She makes her sister pay to get into the concerts she performs? How messed up is that? One, she's a conjoined twin and therefore has no CHOICE whether or not she has to attend the concert. And two, she can't even get in on the freaking GUESTLIST? Jesus.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}