Raise a glass

Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphys show last night.

So when in doubt just call my name
Just before you go insane

I stood under a beer tree, feeling the leaves barely brushing the top of my head, and stared up into the oncoming autumn sky with Joanna laughing next to me and a drink in my hand. I smiled at everyone who passed. I saw a man playing bagpipes in the parking lot. Dancing in place, I roughly sang along with what little words I knew.

If I ever leave this world
Hey I may never leave this world
But if I ever leave this world alive

I raised my glass to Joe Strummer. I raised my glass to Johnny Cash. I raised my glass to accordions and fiddles. I raised my glass to all the heartache that's coursed through my veins the past four years. At one point, Joanna leaned over to me and said, "There's this one song of theirs that every time I hear, I think of you. It goes: The color of her eyes were the color of insanity." I threw back my head and laughed; the bartender laughed with me. I could feel myself crackling around the edges, swimming hazily through the evening with weary fingers, but I rode the wave and crested through the uncomfortable bits. I was amongst friends.

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life

Now it's today and I'm half hung-over at work. We're not getting our paychecks until five o'clock because money is becoming unbearably tight, but I'm ok with that. Shouting at the CFO won't change anything and it's not her fault, anyway. I try not to shoot messengers down. I'm too hungry to be irritable, too stuffed with endorphins from last night to be mad at anyone for all that long. I want greasy cheeseburgers and Philadelphia maki and pomengranates and the spaghetti sauce my mother used to make on Sundays. I want Vitamin Water (the red kind) and salted caramel and great hunks of goat cheese baked in puff pastry. I want rare beef and Pot Mash and the darkest of dark chocolate.

What I'm getting is Chinese food. I'm ok with that. I'm ok with most everything right now. I may be troubled by my snake dying and my sick cats and my mother's birthday looming and my car woes and my money troubles, but I'll keep putting one foot down in front of the other. There's horror in this world and more sadness than I thought humanly possible, but there is still so much fucking beauty. If I can hold on to that thought, I'll pull through it all with a smile on my face.

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
Yeah should be alright