(no subject)

The Mall Ninjas story reminds so much of one of wemble's former boyfriends, that it's a bit uncanny.

That guy was such a frigging douche. For serious.

I am now going to tell a story that Wemble absolutely hates because it is made of all things hilarious shows how trusting she used to be of people (before I beat it out of her).

Please keep in mind that the pair of us were only 18 years old during this story. And before anyone throws any rocks, remember yourself at 18. Like, REALLY remember. You all know you did and said and believed some MASSIVELY dumb shit.

---

I remember one night, we were having a party in my apartment and he was there. I was tripping face, which seemed to have been my normal state of existence during that part of my life. Wemble's ex came into the apartment all huffy-lunged and red in the face, demanding a pot of water be put on the stove so he could boil his knife.

Why, you ask?

Because he had been walking through the projects and saw four Neo-Nazi skinheads beating down a black guy and had jumped in to save the dude. He said he stabbed three of the skins and chased the other away. Afterwards, the black guy offered him a complimentary handjob shook his hand for being such a standup guy or whatever.

So, here I am in my bedroom with Wemble. Tripping quite heavily. And I say to her, "Wemble. Your man out there says he stabbed four skinheads in defense of some guy in the projects. And now he's boiling a knife in my kitchen."

"Yes." She says, bless her heart.

This wasn't sitting right with me. "Wemble," I said. "I'm not sure you quite understand. Your boyfriend says he stabbed four skins whilst in a fight in the projects."

"Yes, that's what he said."

hrrm. Still not sitting cool. But, I sat there in silence for a minute. Was she drunk? Had she been hitting my acid stash? This was in my pre-internet lingo days, but still: WTF, yo? Maybe I'm just not explaining it correctly.

"Wemble. Your boyfriend? John? He says he STABBED four skinheads. With a KNIFE. In the PROJECTS. The knife? It's now in my KITCHEN. On the stove in a pot. Because he said he had to BOIL it. FOR REASONS OF A FORENSIC NATURE." All of this was said with accompanying hand motions. I even performed a sieg heil when I said "skinheads".

Her response? "Well, yeah."

That's when I got up and left the room.

She's actually an incrediby smart girl, I swear. Just a little...wifty sometimes. That being said, I can out-wift her any day of the freaking week. So, it's not like I'm living in a glass house and throwing rocks at anybody. For every hurrr...Wemble story I have, there's probably ten about me.

So there.

She's my girl and I loves her.

<3





How did this go from OMFG MALL NINJAS to OMFG I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND?