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thejunipertreeIt's not very encouraging when one's week is already going horrendously and it's only
My mother had a chemo treatment on Monday, which I stayed home for. I had woken up with a TMJ-induced migraine and she was feeling okay, so she drove herself to the doctor's for her infusion. Good intentions, bad idea.
I was standing in the living room, talking to Thee Pumpkin Girl (who had only just arrived), when Mom staggered through the front door. Puking, shaking, crying, and other things I shall not get into. This then continued for the next two hours, with me cleaning up after her as best as I could and getting her whatever she needed.
The doctor had sent her home with two new prescriptions, so I went with TPG (and a Wee Ninja, who arrived in the middle of all this) to the pharmacy. Asking the pharmacist to please put a rush on the order because of the circumstances was met with a highly IGNORANT response, which left me seething and spitting profanity over the counter at his white jacketed back. One of the techs, however, took pity on my situation and took the two orders out of the back of the list (where the pharmacist had deliberately put them) and got them filled for me, with an apology for how the little pissant had spoken to me when I dared ask for them to make haste.
The entire rest of the night was spent with me fighting off tears at almost every turn. This round of chemo just seems to be a lot worse then the last one, even with her being taken off of the experimental program. She's sick for the entire week after a treatment and constantly cold to the point where she has taken to wearing her driving gloves in the house. She has trouble keeping food down, can't drink anything that's not room temperature (which is quite an interesting trick when one has a rather chilly kitchen), sees double on occasion, and is losing weight again.
Today, they had her come in for a rehydration treatment because of yesterday's episode. She slept through almost the entire thing, thankfully. But, is still so weak from Monday that I can't go very far from whatever room she happens to be in. I try not to resent being asked for something seemingly every time I manage to sit down because I know she can't HELP what she's going through. It's difficult to keep irritation out of my voice, but I know she notices it. This afternoon/early evening, she asked me to come sit on the couch next to her and gave me a big hug. For both of our benefits, I would reckon.
Seeing her like this is killing me. It's like it's last summer, all over again. And it's an uphill struggle every day to not revert back into my closing-down-for-self-preservation mode that is one of my worst habits. I've shut down to a certain extent, but it's mostly just for my own sanity. All other drama going on around me just does not fucking matter, I've got too much else to worry about.
I had to leave her alone for a bit today, because I had another job interview. Which is an added source of stress, as I received my LAST full unemployment check on Monday. The next check I get will be barely over a hundred dollars. And the way everything is seeming right now, I'm not so sure I'm going to find a job before then. The interview today went okay, I suppose, but I just wasn't feeling the 'we really love you and are going to hire you' vibe.
Tomorrow, I'm going to start eBaying from my bin of sellables (which includes the three dolls I have left from last summer's doll making spree, I've also begun work on new ones). But, even then the money won't be in until probably early next month. I'm going to save as much money as I possibly can from my current check, but it most likely won't be very much as I have to pay my loan payment on the 15th and my final payment to the vet (from Edgar's illness, so long ago). I submit my resume to places every single weekday, with almost no response other then: "Sorry, we decided to interview another candidate." (which happened AGAIN this morning).
It makes me sick to my stomach and I just don't know what I'm going to do.
My mother had a chemo treatment on Monday, which I stayed home for. I had woken up with a TMJ-induced migraine and she was feeling okay, so she drove herself to the doctor's for her infusion. Good intentions, bad idea.
I was standing in the living room, talking to Thee Pumpkin Girl (who had only just arrived), when Mom staggered through the front door. Puking, shaking, crying, and other things I shall not get into. This then continued for the next two hours, with me cleaning up after her as best as I could and getting her whatever she needed.
The doctor had sent her home with two new prescriptions, so I went with TPG (and a Wee Ninja, who arrived in the middle of all this) to the pharmacy. Asking the pharmacist to please put a rush on the order because of the circumstances was met with a highly IGNORANT response, which left me seething and spitting profanity over the counter at his white jacketed back. One of the techs, however, took pity on my situation and took the two orders out of the back of the list (where the pharmacist had deliberately put them) and got them filled for me, with an apology for how the little pissant had spoken to me when I dared ask for them to make haste.
The entire rest of the night was spent with me fighting off tears at almost every turn. This round of chemo just seems to be a lot worse then the last one, even with her being taken off of the experimental program. She's sick for the entire week after a treatment and constantly cold to the point where she has taken to wearing her driving gloves in the house. She has trouble keeping food down, can't drink anything that's not room temperature (which is quite an interesting trick when one has a rather chilly kitchen), sees double on occasion, and is losing weight again.
Today, they had her come in for a rehydration treatment because of yesterday's episode. She slept through almost the entire thing, thankfully. But, is still so weak from Monday that I can't go very far from whatever room she happens to be in. I try not to resent being asked for something seemingly every time I manage to sit down because I know she can't HELP what she's going through. It's difficult to keep irritation out of my voice, but I know she notices it. This afternoon/early evening, she asked me to come sit on the couch next to her and gave me a big hug. For both of our benefits, I would reckon.
Seeing her like this is killing me. It's like it's last summer, all over again. And it's an uphill struggle every day to not revert back into my closing-down-for-self-preservation mode that is one of my worst habits. I've shut down to a certain extent, but it's mostly just for my own sanity. All other drama going on around me just does not fucking matter, I've got too much else to worry about.
I had to leave her alone for a bit today, because I had another job interview. Which is an added source of stress, as I received my LAST full unemployment check on Monday. The next check I get will be barely over a hundred dollars. And the way everything is seeming right now, I'm not so sure I'm going to find a job before then. The interview today went okay, I suppose, but I just wasn't feeling the 'we really love you and are going to hire you' vibe.
Tomorrow, I'm going to start eBaying from my bin of sellables (which includes the three dolls I have left from last summer's doll making spree, I've also begun work on new ones). But, even then the money won't be in until probably early next month. I'm going to save as much money as I possibly can from my current check, but it most likely won't be very much as I have to pay my loan payment on the 15th and my final payment to the vet (from Edgar's illness, so long ago). I submit my resume to places every single weekday, with almost no response other then: "Sorry, we decided to interview another candidate." (which happened AGAIN this morning).
It makes me sick to my stomach and I just don't know what I'm going to do.
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-10 11:33 pm (UTC)if there's anything I can do, even if it's just to yell ARRGGGHH on the phone with you, lemme know.
any chance of getting your unemployment extended? I know someone who did that here, but it might be a different set of circumstances. Also, I would hit up the SSI ppl again. Fuckers. *shakes fist*
love to you, miss.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 09:18 am (UTC):/
Re:
Date: 2004-02-13 10:44 pm (UTC)That eats a bag of dicks.
Where the hell are the jobs?
I know a lot of ppl who are having a HARD time finding work.
Unless you want to work daycare, those jobs appear to be falling out of the sky. :/
I, however, have discovered that daycare work is a plague upon humanity and I need to avoid it at all costs.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-20 07:15 am (UTC)I don't know... every time I hear the news, someone says the economy is improving. Yet I see most of my friends doing fruitless interviews, out of work/unemployment, or stuck in dead-end jobs they hate, or without insurance or other essential things like that.
Hopefully it will all sort itself soon enough, though... I'm tired of watching everyone I know being broke, poor, and annoyed with their job searching.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:28 pm (UTC)This is now my extention which is currently running out, unfortunately. :/
In NJ, after your six months run out, you can apply for a 13 week extention. My mom is currently bouncing in between receiving temporary disability and welfare whenever there's a lag in the disability checks (which happens every couple of weeks, due to having to turn in new P-30 forms).
Re:
Date: 2004-02-13 10:40 pm (UTC)You know, you'd think that they'd take some extenuating circumstances into account. It's not like you guys are sitting on your asses eating bonbons all day.
Or that they'd give you some help finding something.
I shake my fist.
I also shake my fist that your momma has to keep turning in forms.
Would make more sense if they'd leave her on the enrollment by checking in with her dr. or something so there wouldnt have to be a lag. maybe i expect too much. *shrug*
Also, if you can find your way down here, I will feed you steak and give you full grabbing rights to my free shit pile. This is a long standing offer, it has no expiration date. Also, as I seem to be rockstartastic yet again, the phonelines are open when you are - call me & I can call you back.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 04:44 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:44 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 04:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 04:59 am (UTC)I'm returning your offer, if you need to talk let me know.....
(theforestghost@yahoo.com)
*smiles*
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 05:51 am (UTC)i think both of my parents are coming in for a visit on saturday... what are you guys doing? do you have lovey schmovey stuff planned? you know willish and i don't do those things, and he's actually filling in at the card shop for stacey. if you're up for some company, lemme know.
maybe we can get ghetto and go to the mall!
i still have these gifties to blow.
your mum was cute and sad at the same time when i
was leaving, but you know i crawl the walls if i spend the night. especially the way i sleep.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:30 pm (UTC)We're going out to dinner, but other then that nothing has been planned. I've been thinking of getting people together to hang out later that evening, though.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 12:45 am (UTC)by night time left to my own devices, i may be in sleepyland.
i think i need to go there soonly now!
Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 12:50 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 12:52 am (UTC)You're still a stinkpuss, though.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 02:38 pm (UTC)maybe i'll still come in with them then,
and we can tool about until you must dine.
i'll give you a call tomorrie night.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 07:35 am (UTC)I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and your mother.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:43 pm (UTC)It's sickening, I say.
My mom is on this cancer survivors network thing, online. And she recently spoke to a woman in Romania who's being treated for the same exact kind and stage of cancer that my mom has. Only they have a hard time getting the specific chemo drug that she needs in her country, so most of the time she just goes untreated.
It puts things a little bit into perspective for me. I'm thankful that my mom can get the treatment that she needs, but I despise what it's doing to her.
l keep my fingers crossed for you and your mother.
Thank you.
I'll hoarde any good luck you can throw my way.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 08:58 am (UTC)If you need anything, at all, even if just to talk to someone who's a few states removed, please let me know, okay? *hug*
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:32 pm (UTC)At this point, it seems like it's doing more damage then good. In my opinion at least, which also happens to be very biased in this situation.
One of the most fucked up things about chemo is that it can potentially CAUSE CANCER later in life. What's the sense in giving somebody a treatment for a disease, when the treatment can quite possibly give the person the disease all over again later on?
I don't understand it.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 09:49 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:33 pm (UTC)Thank you so much.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 09:50 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:39 pm (UTC)I'm very grateful for your good thoughts.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 10:14 am (UTC)Although I'm sure you've already thought of that.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:35 pm (UTC)My only problem with doing that is that it takes so much time, between the actual sewing and then the selling. Not that this will stop me from doing it, mind you. I just get frustrated because I'm such a instant-gratification kind of person.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 07:02 am (UTC)I have a fuckload of sewing stuff - litteraly BAGS in my attic that I need to go through. When I move there's no way in hell it's all going with me.
I can't even remember what all I have. What kinda stuff might ya want?
Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 09:19 am (UTC)Damn
Date: 2004-02-11 02:56 pm (UTC)Re: Damn
Date: 2004-02-11 11:35 pm (UTC)Yeah, our group does seem to have that going for us, doesn't it?
Re: Damn
Date: 2004-02-12 08:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 03:07 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:36 pm (UTC)Come visit soon.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-11 09:03 pm (UTC)Stupid stuff - groceries, picking up meds, whatever.
Big stuff if you'll let me.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:38 pm (UTC)Thank you, miss.
Though I most likely never will ask for such things, as I am a great big putz who has difficulty with asking for such big favours, the offer is VERY much appreciated.
And it really helps to know that there are people who've got my back, too.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-12 05:45 am (UTC)