I learned many things these past few days:

[thejunipertree]

1. Whenever I say I'm going to write a long update about a trip I've recently taken, it generally means that I am never going to write a long update about a trip I've recently taken. I've come to accept this.

2. If you poke at a bushel of live crabs with a pen, at least one of them will attempt to shank you.

3. Spiritual people are unreliable.

4. Microsoft is shitty and fly infested.

5. When I turn 40, my wee deformed thumbs are going to hit a sudden growth spurt and look normal.

6. The 80s fucking sucked, especially the fashion. But, not quite all of the music. Any attempted revival will be met with snide and derogatory comments.

7. Big manly men should not own cocker spaniels. Because people like me will snicker uncontrollably when we ask, "What kind of dog do you have?" and the big manly man answers, "A cocker spaniel."

8. I forget what eight is for.

9. When I am placing an order in an eatery and I specify that I would like ranch dressing on my salad, it generally means that a salad does indeed come with what I have ordered. I will point this out to my server when they bring me a dish of ranch dressing and no salad is in sight.

10. There is more than one person in this world who can break one of their own bones in their sleep. This should comfort me, but it, in fact, does not.

Comments

[wee-scot.livejournal.com]

10. There is more than one person in this world who can break one of their own bones in their sleep. This should comfort me, but it, in fact, does not.

I once broke my leg with a ballpein hammer. Granted, I wasn't sleeping, but I was in control. I wanted to see what my pain tolerance was before I'd need to stop. Disappointingly, my thigh broke before I reached my limit.

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

I once broke my leg with a ballpein hammer.

I tried to break my wrist with a hammer, once.
It didn't work out very well.

[wee-scot.livejournal.com]

Were you using it on your opposite wrist? Trying to do it to the same one that is holding the hammer is a lot like trying to crusify yourself. It's just about imopossible.

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

Were you using it on your opposite wrist?

I was, indeed.

I almost just now wrote, "It would be stupid to attempt to break the same wrist." But, then I remembered that we were discussing me trying to break my own wrist. And that's a very daft thing to do in the first place.

I was a very different Tara back then.

[wee-scot.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard then. It actually makes me sad that I'm not able to get into the US, because I totally need to hang out with you :)

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

I should also probably mention that I was about eleven when I tried to do this. ;)