(no subject)

[thejunipertree]

If any of you actually wonder why I've gotten so sporadic with my journal entry writing, it's mostly because I'm finding it rather difficult to keep myself together long enough to write something that won't depress the fuck out of everyone who reads it.

On more than one occasion, I've proclaimed the need to not constantly talk about the situation I am currently battling, re: my mother's medical condition. However, any of you who have been through similar situations know how pervasive this sort of thing can truly be.

Despite how much I fight it and attempt to be "normal", her cancer is encompassing my life right now. I can go minutes, even hours, without thinking of it, but something always brings me back to reality. And I hate that.

I don't want to be the person who's always lamenting their lot in life. I don't want to be the conversation joy-kill. I don't want to be the girl who busts out with some sob story of enormous proportions in the middle of everyone else's good time.

And I try so hard not to do that. Which is precisely the reason why so many of you don't hear from me for such long stretches of time. I can't be the hand-staple-forehead girl.

But, things are so fucking bad right now. I can barely stand it. And it's all out of my control. My hands are tied. Completely.

The only thing I can do is watch and wait.

Comments

[chicanerys-muse.livejournal.com]

You know I love you girl.

You also know I am here for you.

If there was an atkins friendly cupcake recipe out there, I would be whipping you up a batch as we speak...:)

Okay

[rowan-1958.livejournal.com]

So if you rarely/never get this stuff off your chest, what's going to happen to you? You're going to get more depressed/stressed then you already are. You KNOW you can call me, or have me come to you and talk until your mouth runs out of saliva about this stuff, I've been there, I can take it and maybe, just maybe, give you some sound advice on how to cope during and after. Kiddo, there are more people willing to listen to you than you know....*hugs*

[aprilrobin.livejournal.com]

Miss,

I don't push you much about this stuff because - well I completely know where you are coming from - in the sense of how you want you actions interpreted at least.
I also don't want you to get pissed with me if I try to be "sunny". I'm not good at that and you are too smart for that.
I will continue not to push - however, I am here.
I hope you know you can say anything and I would NEVER make you feel silly, etc.
You are NEVER a burden.

[mondae.livejournal.com]

[I have been utterly horrid at keeping up and keeping in touch with you. This is not because I don't care, mind. It is because I suck.]

You shouldn't have to apologise for how you're feeling. What you're going through is unbelievably difficult, so unbelievably difficult that most of us can hardly fathom it, and you've every right to feel the way to do, and to express it as you must. Your friends will understand. You are a burden to no one.

Hope I get the chance to talk to you soon. Maybe then I will stop sucking so much.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

This being your journal, I suggest you write about whatever you need to write about.

My thoughts are with you.

[willy-mags.livejournal.com]

we may not talk as much as we used to, but I'm always there for a game of jangle if you need it. ;-)

Don't forget that every monday night, there's always a few of us hanging out at the Dark Horse (where the Dicken's used to be). We know the bartender so it's not too expensive, and it's not far from the patco station. If you ever want to come by and hang out one monday, just give my house or Stacey's cell a ring to see if anybody will be there. (Cindy rarely goes but could tell you if I'm there or not)

It's a gay old time, even if you just stop by for a couple of hours or so.

[jwmfleming.livejournal.com]

And believe you me, when he says "gay old time" he means it. I'm still trying to get the KY out of my hair from the "wrestling match" we all had last week. He's a slippery little bitch.

Seriously though, buck up camper and bitch away. I though that was the whole point of these journal things anyway. Hell, just think of how many times I could've gone totally postal if it wasn't for me being able to write down my feelings and getting virtual huggies from people. Okay, enough gay emo shit from me. I'm off to take my coffee enema and listen to some Tori Amos or some gay shit like that.

[lachupacabra.livejournal.com]

honey,
ANY TIME you want to vent,
feel free to do it to me.
i can totally relate to what
youre going thru & i know that
part of being able to deal with
it is getting it off your chest
sometimes.
*hug*

[flemco.livejournal.com]

This is gonna be uncharacteristically heartfelt and free of the F word.

I've known you online for 7 years.

In that time I've known a rockin', stompin' chick who takes little guff from fools and lays down the smack when niggaz get out of line.

You're creative, stone-cold hardcore, and take life as it should be: head on, and no holds barred.

I've kept up on your LJ, albeit not commenting much. I don't say much because I know what cards life has dealt you as of late, and it's a bitch-assed hand.

You are allowed to be hurt. You can scream at the storm and rail as much as you need to in order to keep your striped stockings up. Nobody who knows you will hold it against you.

Because you are waking up every damned day and facing the world. If you cry or scream or damn the universe, we're all still behind you.

Cuz you're still the Erz that we want to see happy again.

Don't ever expect me to get this gushy again, foo.

*hugs*

J. Grant, aka Coily

[rhiann31.livejournal.com]

holy shit! is that you DeadCoil?

[flemco.livejournal.com]

Holy shit! It's Rhiann!

HOLY SHIT!