(no subject)

"I am tired. And I am weary. I could sleep
for a thousand years." ~the Velvet Underground

I am currently immersed in trying to chew a
hole in my upper lip, it would seem, as I've
been gnawing away at it all damn day. This is
starting to bother me. It hurts, but I can't
stop doing it. Feh.

Last night, during high tea with Wee Heather and
Jen, an old friend of ours showed up, purely
by accident. Dwayne, who used to be such a regular
in my life and who I haven't seen in *thinks*
nine years?

God. Has it /really/ been nine years? It can't
possibly have been that long...

It was good to see him, though awkward because
the 26 year old me doesn't have as much to say to
him as the 17 year old me did. We exchanged
pleasantries and email addresses. Actually, Jen
got his email and I gave him mine. Haphazard, yes.
But, I'm sure something will filter down to me
eventually.

It brought back a lot of old memories, some of
which I wasn't too keen on remembering. Memories
of drinking Banana Red Mad Dog and loitering
on train tracks until the wee hours of the
morning. That I don't mind remembering. I also
don't begrudge memories of lizard-sleep and
stolen ventures to the ocean.

What disturbs me is memories of Michael, who I
was in love with (and who I thought loved me)
during those times. Michael, who wasn't the first
to break my heart. But, who taught me my biggest
lesson in trust.

God, how he hurt me.

I remember not eating for a week after our
relationship died. I remembering not moving from
my mother's couch. Smoking three packs of
cigarettes a day. And drinking pink lemonade.
I still can't drink that damn stuff without
remembering that time.

I also remember how he lied to me. And betrayed
me. Misled. And strung so many sick and pretty
promises in front of me that I fell for, being
as blind to it all as I was.

Stupid girl.

I don't understand what I ever saw in him.
That's such a typical and cliched line, if I
ever heard one.

Seeing Dwayne was interesting in itself, as
only running into an old friend could be. I don't
think we'll ever spend time together again,
though. He has his life. And I have my own.