you'll be on the couch next year

My hair is clean, bangs cut freshly short and proper. The last vestiges of my fever are drifting away. Though my continual retyping of words is more then enough evidence that it's still a bit here.

It snowed yesterday, strangely enough. And I, wrapped in my sleep sick, never even knew until about four in the evening. I woke up, went to the kitchen for ice water, and happened to glance out the window.

Snow. On the asphalt and covering the cars. I was thrown back and left dumb. And my mind reeled at the idea of it all. Snow in April? Okay. I grin and go back to bed, thinking it all a product of my fever ridden mind.

In my dreams, I turned away. Over and over and over again.
You never wanted me. Not really.
I did, but you never saw. Your eyes were shut and they still are.

For anyone who may be of the mind to care: Thursday April 10th at 1:35 am, my friend Michael's band, Stellastarr*, will be playing on Last Call with Carson Daly. Technically, 1:35 Friday morning. But you know what I mean, yes?

burn

Hellfire and damnation, I say!

I am at work, feeling stupendously and amazingly like ASS. My fever comes and goes, I've had to pull all my hair up (and it is quite a lot) because it was driving me crazy every time I got hit with the feverishness. Top all of this off with the regular collateral girl is out sick today, so the rest of us have to do her job. Something which I hate doing, especially as no one does MY job for ME when I'm out sick.

hmph.

I check and re-checked the television listings for tonight and tomorrow. Stellastarr* will be on the show that also has Shannen Doherty as a guest (eep). So, that looks to be tomorrow. Thursday night/ Friday morning at 1:35 am.

Yes, I doubt myself at every turn. Which is why I checked the listing.

I couldn't sleep for shit last night. Tossing and turning and sticking my head under the pillow. This is two nights in a row now. And I'm definitely feeling it, at the moment. My head feels like it's the size of a chinese grapefruit. And in case you've never seen one before, those motherfuckers are BIGGER then my own head.

Weird dreams. Uneasy dreams.

Carrie and her brother were in one of them, walking with me through some nasty warehouse place, looking for a friend of theirs who we never found.
Another dream found by down by the ocean in Fraserburgh, alone and in the middle of the night, watching something rise out of the water. Something that made me want to run.
Yet another dream had Baron Samedi sliding an arm around my shoulder and turning me away from something he didn't want me to see.
And still another was of me giving my mother's eulogy. That's the one that left me the most scared. Especially since I saw a cardinal this morning.

I don't like omens. Not one bit.
And this had better just be dreamwalking and birdwatching.