and if anyone asks, I'll just tell them it's my halo

There are days when I get lost in my past, wandering around and reliving memories. All inside my puny skull.

I don't mean past, like just a few years ago. I'm talking about childhood. The things I saw and the things which were done to me. Looking back on them, I can kind of understand why I am the person I am today. Why my reactions are so sharp. And why I am so quick to believe that ever-pulsing (and growing) waves of disgust which course through my veins.

I was in sixth grade. Maybe seventh. We had off from school, for some reason or another. Maybe it was a voting day. I was at my "best friend's" house, her parents were at work. There was a whole slew of us hanging out, mostly boys because my "best friend" had the reputation of being a big slut, despite the fact that she was a virgin. Someone decided it would be a good idea if we got a ladder and climbed up to the roof. I was sitting up there, by myself, when they took the ladder away and wouldn't put it back. They told me to jump. They shouted ugly names at me. They threw things.

I screamed so loud and so long that someone two blocks heard me.

I was never afraid of heights before then. Now I am.

No more shall we part

And no more shall we part
It will no longer be necessary
And no more will I say, dear heart
I am alone and she has left me

And no more shall we part
The contracts are drawn up, the ring is locked upon the finger
And never again will my letters start
Sadly, or in the depths of winter

And no more shall we part
All the hatchets have been buried now
And all of birds will sing to your
beautiful heart
Upon the bough

And no more shall we part
Your chain of command has been silenced now
And all of those birds would've sung to your beautiful heart
Anyhow

Lord, stay by me
Don't go down
I will never be free
If I'm not free now

Lord, stay by me
Don't go down
I never was free
What are you talking about?

For no more shall we part
And no more shall we part

~Nick Cave