Apr. 15th, 2010

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Also, thank you one and all for all of your kind thoughts and support over the past two heartbreaking decisions I had to make. It means a lot to me.

The apartment was so weird Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I don't even remember the last time in my life that I didn't have at least one free roaming mammal. I kept seeing them out of the corner of my eye, a dark blur that ghosted across my vision and then was disappointingly gone when I swung full around. I would forget for a time and then something small, something stupid, would bring reality crashing back to me and it would feel like my heart was twisting in my chest all over again.

Wednesday night, the Engineer and I picked up the two kittens we decided to adopt: Timothy and Henry Lee. They are a complete and total joy. So far. It doesn't entirely replace this huge and gaping hole left in the absence of the others, but it blunts the edges down so they are not as sharp.

I was so scared that they would hate me or that one of them would get nervous and bat me hard in the face, like what happened with the incident I mentioned before at a different shelter. But, they are warm and purr like wee crisis engines, twining around my legs this morning in the bathroom and trying to eat my hair when I lie on the floor. I wouldn't even begin to put forth the notion that the level of trust I had with my other cats is even remotely there, but the beginnings of it are poking their way through.


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January 2011

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