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Sep. 12th, 2004 11:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thejunipertreeThings are so goddamn weird.
Last week, we had thought my mother was two inches away from death's door. Her breathing was laboured, each breath was thought to be the last. Now, this evening when I went to visit her, she wasn't quite as bad.
Don't get me wrong, she wasn't doing jumping jacks and whistling Dixie, but she actually got up from the bed without assistance (though I hovered around her) and was a bit more responsive than usual. I did have to feed her though, which was another first experience for me that I truly believe I could have gone without. She's still in pain, she's still miserable.
I'm glad that she's not quite so much on her death bed, but at the same time, I can't handle this yo-yoing back and forth. I know she'll never make a full recovery, so why bother granting this false hope? I'm not being my usual, charming pessimistic self, mind you. I'm being honest. She will never be the same ever again and if any medical professional told me different, I'd probably launch my foot in their ass for being a goddamn dirty liar.
Last week, I made phone calls and discussed funeral arrangements.
This week, I don't know what to do.
I just don't know what to think.
Last week, we had thought my mother was two inches away from death's door. Her breathing was laboured, each breath was thought to be the last. Now, this evening when I went to visit her, she wasn't quite as bad.
Don't get me wrong, she wasn't doing jumping jacks and whistling Dixie, but she actually got up from the bed without assistance (though I hovered around her) and was a bit more responsive than usual. I did have to feed her though, which was another first experience for me that I truly believe I could have gone without. She's still in pain, she's still miserable.
I'm glad that she's not quite so much on her death bed, but at the same time, I can't handle this yo-yoing back and forth. I know she'll never make a full recovery, so why bother granting this false hope? I'm not being my usual, charming pessimistic self, mind you. I'm being honest. She will never be the same ever again and if any medical professional told me different, I'd probably launch my foot in their ass for being a goddamn dirty liar.
Last week, I made phone calls and discussed funeral arrangements.
This week, I don't know what to do.
I just don't know what to think.
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Value every day remaining...
Date: 2004-09-13 02:06 am (UTC)The complications of not having a Death Certificate and having to wait for permission to conduct a funeral from the UK Home Office is making things so much harder.
My very best wishes to you and your family -