(no subject)

[thejunipertree]

The life insurance policy for my mother's car has finally been completed. I made a photocopy of everything for my records and then addressed the envelope, frowning at my jagged handwriting. Sealed it with tape because I refuse to lick envelope glue.

Now it's sitting here on my desk and I keep glancing at it, rather then, you know, PUTTING IT IN THE MAIL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD.

For some absolute bullshit reason, I'm having a hard time with this.

In about a month, it'll mark the year anniversary of when she went into the hospital for her fractured pelvis and never came home again.

I have to go outside and walk laps around the parking lot for a bit. Need to get this shit under control.

Comments

you may or may not like this side of me.

[aylan.livejournal.com]

i'll have to say that i agree with rowan. furthermore, if for nothing else than to stimulate perspective, there is no "need to get this shit under control" unless you have gone mad and have come to believe that you are a poo-pitching primate. i don't care who, when a person loses their own mother, the rest of the world can fuck off. they get to cry and pour out emotion as much as they gotta. i'm not saying the middle of work (i guess that's where you are) is the best, most comfortable place, but if you've got to let it out, do it. i just stuck my nose in here and thought i knew everything, didn't i? it's all just theory, driven by emotion, a protective response...you can call me if you want to unload on a (almost) complete stranger...281-910-1285.

Re: you may or may not like this side of me.

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

See, I have two sides warring in my head over this matter.

The one side completely agrees with you about the "when a person loses their own mother, the rest of the world can fuck off. they get to cry and pour out emotion as much as they gotta." The other side keeps telling me to stop being such a fucking baby, that it's been almost six months (holy shit, six months?!) and to suck it up. Her death was so drawn out, that I feel like I should be handling it better by now.

It's not easy finding a good medium between the two. My family is notorious for being rather stoic, I've always been labelled the emotional one out of the lot of us. Watching the way the rest of them deal with this situation doesn't help the inner struggle.

And don't worry about sticking your nose in or how it'll be taken, I appreciate and welcome feedback. Even if it's not always what I want to hear.

Re: you may or may not like this side of me.

[rowan-1958.livejournal.com]

Poo-pitching primate, what a classic line, I'll have to use it. As for the thing about your mother's illness being stretched out, yes, that's true, but now it's not another leg of the illness, she's gone (a fact you all too abundantly aware of). We'll talk later, I just had to stick my nose in one more time. :o) Poo-pitching primate..what a hoot!