(no subject)

[thejunipertree]

The life insurance policy for my mother's car has finally been completed. I made a photocopy of everything for my records and then addressed the envelope, frowning at my jagged handwriting. Sealed it with tape because I refuse to lick envelope glue.

Now it's sitting here on my desk and I keep glancing at it, rather then, you know, PUTTING IT IN THE MAIL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD.

For some absolute bullshit reason, I'm having a hard time with this.

In about a month, it'll mark the year anniversary of when she went into the hospital for her fractured pelvis and never came home again.

I have to go outside and walk laps around the parking lot for a bit. Need to get this shit under control.

Comments

[rachieo.livejournal.com]

i know that i can't even begin to know how you feel, but i think that this does actually make a lot of sense, for any of a number of reasons. for instance, when my stepmother died, my stepsister said to me that each thing she had to finalize was making it more real for her...but that she was also scared of the day when everything was totally taken care of. i thought, why? all the things to take care of seemed like they were such a pain, and wouldn't it be a load off to have it done? she explained that she didn't want to be done. as long as she was making arrangements/etc, she was still doing something for mom, and it somehow made her afraid that once everything was done she'd feel the loss more acutely.

anyway, my point with that is that you have suffered a tremendous loss. it is unreasonable to expect that you can or even should go through this with only clear and logical reactions and emotions. i haven't once read anything you've written here regarding your mother/her illness/etc where i thought "wow, tara's completely lost her mind! she needs to get ahold of herself!"...in fact, quite the opposite. i'm glad that you're letting your emotions out in bits. i think it will help, eventually. *hug*

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

she explained that she didn't want to be done. as long as she was making arrangements/etc, she was still doing something for mom, and it somehow made her afraid that once everything was done she'd feel the loss more acutely.


Wow.
That is so completely true. I've just never been able to verbalize it.