thejunipertree: (Default)
[personal profile] thejunipertree
I've been meaning to put this up for quite a long time, but I kept forgetting about it.

Many months ago, I was skulking around Target. On a mission to buy cleaning supplies, I got side-tracked (as I am wont to do) in the candle section. Something shiny caught my eye, which is the plight of my existence-shiny things and their catching of my eye, and I immediately rushed over to pick it up.

It was a tall, glass candleholder, the kind in which it's a glass cylinder and the candle goes inside. Like a giant drinking glass. But, this one had a silver base. It also had a fancy, and quite heavy, silver lid. This would be perfect to put my unidentified bone in, for display in the living room! I thought to myself (and really, how many other people do you know who think thoughts like that?) and put it into my shopping cart with the floor cleaner and cat litter. There was a piece of paper inside of the candleholder, but I assumed it was just warnings about not leaving burning candles unattended or giving them to small children as toys or letting them drive your car after they had one too many drinks. It was inconsquential, I had a pretty candleholder thing to put a bone in and the world was at peace.

After I got home and put away everything else I'd bought, I pulled out the candleholder and decided on its new home in my living room. I pulled my unidentified bone from the shelf it had been placed before and removed the piece of paper, with all of its imagined, dire warnings, that had been nestled inside the candleholder. The bone went in the candleholder, the candleholder went on my end table and I admired my interior design skills and pondered a career change.

I opened the piece of paper, to give it a mindless glance over before I threw it out, and began laughing so hard that I had to sit down.




It was assembly instructions.

I'm planning on framing them and hanging them somewhere in the apartment, for the sheer surrealness of it all.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-24 07:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowan-1958.livejournal.com
You should hang it over the holder w/bone.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-25 07:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dabble.livejournal.com
Your icon says it all better than I ever could.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-24 10:55 pm (UTC)
ext_79676: (charred dark husk of evil.)
From: [identity profile] sola.livejournal.com
You should totally hang it in the bathroom, along with some kind of "Poo Procedures" chart.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-24 11:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vivaemptiness.livejournal.com
bahahahahahahahah nice. if anyone is really that dumb, perhaps they shouldn't be using fire.

that totally reminded me of this, though:


the SO VERY PISSED OFF expression on the cat's face is priceless, methinks.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-24 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ninjalicious.livejournal.com
Hehe. I have a veritable casket of things to bring over by the way!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-25 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greyboy.livejournal.com
Now imagine being the person who actually had to make those instructions.

"At last, a true test of my skills."

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yagathai.livejournal.com
Hi there. I'm a friend of [livejournal.com profile] babyraven. She mentioned to me that you might be able to recommend a good ferret vet in the Philly area, since mine has stopped seeing ferrets. One that I could get in to see by next week would be a bonus -- I've got a sick tube rat on my hands, and so I'd like to have her seen sooner rather than later.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meetzemonsta.livejournal.com
Howdy.

What vet did you go to? When I lived there, all of my pets went to the vet on Bainbridge Street (inbetween 4th and 5th, if I remember correctly). But, my ferret didn't go to the vet all that often because she was pretty healthy.

I'm in NJ now, so all of the creatures go to Blackwood Animal Hospital. I don't know if that's too far for you or not, or if you're even able to get over the bridge. There's also Rothman Animal Hospital in Collingswood/Oaklyn area.

Poor weasel. What's wrong with her?

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 08:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yagathai.livejournal.com
Yep, that was the vet I went too as well. Queen Village Animal Hospital. They lost their exotics vet, so...

I have no idea where that is. I can take Patco into Jersey, but i have no car.

She's got a pink, scabby rash all over her back. The hair is thin, but not totally gone. This is the first time I've noticed anything seriously wrong with her, so I'm worried.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meetzemonsta.livejournal.com
I have no idea where that is. I can take Patco into Jersey, but i have no car.

If you take PATCO into NJ, I can pick you up at the station and take you to the vet office. It wouldn't be any trouble at all. Any friend of [livejournal.com profile] babyraven is good in my book, especially if they have a ferret. Doubly so if said ferret is in need of a vet. :/

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yagathai.livejournal.com
Wow! That's very generous of you. Um, if you could give me the phone # of a vet you recommend, I'll try to schedule something. When are you free?

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 08:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meetzemonsta.livejournal.com
It's not a problem at all.

I'd recommend Blackwood Animal hospital over Rothman, just because I've been dealing with them for so long and they've always been very good to me there. Their number is 856-227-8503.

And I can be free pretty much whenever I'm needed. My work schedule is enormously flexible, but afternoons and evenings are definitely preferred.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yagathai.livejournal.com
Monday at 5:15 is the appt. Does that work for you?

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meetzemonsta.livejournal.com
Monday at 5:15 is the appt. Does that work for you?

Sounds good to me.

You can take the PATCO to the Ashland stop, that's directly across the street from my office. I'd recommend meeting me there at 4:30, because traffic can get icky around that time, especially going in the direction of the vet's office.

And so you know which car is me, I drive a big, black Eldorado. :D

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 09:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yagathai.livejournal.com
Nice! I used to drive a great while whale of a mid-80s Lincoln Towncar. I miss that car so much.

I'll be the vaguely asian-looking fellow with a goatee and a ferret in a hard carrier.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 09:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yagathai.livejournal.com
Oh, and I hope you don't mind, but I added you to my FL.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-27 09:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meetzemonsta.livejournal.com
Don't mind at all.
I'll post my cell phone number in a locked entry, in case you need to get a hold of me if a cancellation/reschedule comes up.

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