disassociation

[thejunipertree]

It's a very uncomfortable day. Wobbly. I feel disjointed. At odds with myself. My head's on wrong. My hands are not mine; the skin is too tight.

I'm feeling everything I normally feel, but it's magnified a-thousand-fold. I'm too sensitive today, to everything around me. Images keep getting stuck in my head, an infinite loop. I read something earlier this morning regarding a cobra necropsy. It mentioned signs seen only in snakes that have been severely beaten. Who would beat a snake? The idea depresses me. What kind of person would maliciously harm any animal? I keep seeing it in my head.

I don't like this feeling, even though I am quite used to it.

If I were home, I would hide in bed with the cats and my cigarettes and some cold tea.

I wish it were autumn. I'd like to go apple picking this season. And see all the pumpkins. Maybe I can convince the Engineer that this is a good plan.

Comments

[edwards.livejournal.com]

Ah!

I used to get that feeling right around the same times as I'd get sugar-rushes. There was a sort of detachment; instead of being in my body, I was more telling it what to do and hoping the response would be accurate.

Sometimes I'd pick things up and the force applied would be vastly in excess of that required. Othertimes, my legs would fail.

Diet Coke seemed to be a factor in it, but I can't place why since it has no sugar!