disassociation

[thejunipertree]

It's a very uncomfortable day. Wobbly. I feel disjointed. At odds with myself. My head's on wrong. My hands are not mine; the skin is too tight.

I'm feeling everything I normally feel, but it's magnified a-thousand-fold. I'm too sensitive today, to everything around me. Images keep getting stuck in my head, an infinite loop. I read something earlier this morning regarding a cobra necropsy. It mentioned signs seen only in snakes that have been severely beaten. Who would beat a snake? The idea depresses me. What kind of person would maliciously harm any animal? I keep seeing it in my head.

I don't like this feeling, even though I am quite used to it.

If I were home, I would hide in bed with the cats and my cigarettes and some cold tea.

I wish it were autumn. I'd like to go apple picking this season. And see all the pumpkins. Maybe I can convince the Engineer that this is a good plan.

Comments

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

No, it wasn't any kind of defense situation.

Here's the quote: She continued to feed well and behaved normally, until just a few weeks ago, when she suddenly developed a severe posterior spinal deformity. Usually, those types of deformities are caused by severe physical injuries, such as snakes being beaten or crushed by heavy objects. In this case, such an injury can be ruled out with confidence, except perhaps some bizarre and highly unlikely scenario of a self-inflicted injury involving her water container.

So, it was't specifically about a snake being beaten, but only mentioned that the deformities found were like that of a snake being beaten. The person performing the necropsy actually believes that it happened because of overfeeding.

I realize there are situations where one would need to fend off an animal attack, but that isn't where my (fractured) mind was going. I just kept seeing the image of some sick fuck smacking the shit out of a snake for no reason.

I don't know. I am incredibly sensitive to the pain of others (animals and people) sometimes; to the point where it irritates me because I turn into some kind of bleeding heart crybaby.