![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thejunipertreeCharlie died this afternoon.
When I took her to the vet yesterday (not my normal vet, because the reptile guy wasn't in on Saturdays, so I had to scramble to find somewhere else to take us), he said it wasn't a blockage. He took a fecal sample from her and pronounced her free of parasites. He told me she was underweight and needed nourishment in her immediately. I was given two cans of wet food, a syrienge, and a rubber tube. She was given a shot in the mouth of some kind of medication, on the off chance that there were parasites in her not coming up in the test. And we were sent on our way with instructions for her to be fed every three days for the next several weeks.
At the vet, she alternated between being very active (trying to crawl out of the scale) and staying put (curled up around my hand). When we got home, I immediately set her up with some food, but the entire process was very nerve-wracking. Prying open a baby python's mouth and sliding a rubber tube down their throat isn't something I feel good about. I don't like grabbing snakes by the head; I'm always afraid I'm going to hurt them.
Food got in her and I put her back in her tank, hoping that she'd shake off the shock of the big day she had. I had the immediate feeling that something was off because she didn't go into either of her hides, but instead, just laid where I'd set her down. I wemble and fretted over this, continually checking in on her, but the Engineer told me she was probably just in a daze from riding around in a box, being handled by two strangers, and getting tubed twice (once when I was shown how to do it and once when I did it myself). We went out for the night and when we got home, I immediately made a bee-line for my bedroom to see how she was.
She was in her hot hide, curled up, and everything seemed fine. I breathed many sighs of relief and began to feel better about the whole nasty situation. This morning when I got up, I went to check on her again, and she was next to her hot hide, with half of her body draped over it. Again, sighs of relief.
However, when I went to check in on her in the late afternoon, she was in the same exact position. And while snakes are not exactly known for their great bout of activity, I leaned in for a closer look.
I couldn't tell if she was breathing, so I blew gently on her. This is how I normally let any of the snakes know I'm there, just a gentle and slow puff of breath so they don't freak out. No reaction from that. I opened the tank lid and ran my finger down a bit of her back. No reaction. I nudged her tail off the hide and it just flopped over. That's when I reached in and picked her up.
That's when it was completely evident that she was gone. And it hadn't been that long since she went.
My baby girl.
I'm really fucked up over this because I feel like I did something wrong. I feel like it's my fault. I did everything by the book, but I still feel like I caused this. I'm still not convinced that it wasn't a blockage, despite what the vet said and despite him getting a fecal sample out of her. The area above her anal scale was still slightly swollen up and it just didn't look right. I kept pointing it out to the doctor and he kept telling me she was just "spread out" from being malnourished. I couldn't take her to any other vet in the area for another opinion because either they didn't see reptiles, they wouldn't take any kind of post-dated payment or the Care Credit card (which I now have), or they'd already closed for the day.
I've contemplated taking her body to my regular vet for a necropsy, but I'm not really sure what that will accomplish other than me putting out even more money that I don't have and possibly being told that it was indeed my fucking fault.
Her tank is still in my room, set up like nothing ever happened. And it pains my heart every time I have to walk in there and realize that she's not there any longer.
This fucking sucks.
When I took her to the vet yesterday (not my normal vet, because the reptile guy wasn't in on Saturdays, so I had to scramble to find somewhere else to take us), he said it wasn't a blockage. He took a fecal sample from her and pronounced her free of parasites. He told me she was underweight and needed nourishment in her immediately. I was given two cans of wet food, a syrienge, and a rubber tube. She was given a shot in the mouth of some kind of medication, on the off chance that there were parasites in her not coming up in the test. And we were sent on our way with instructions for her to be fed every three days for the next several weeks.
At the vet, she alternated between being very active (trying to crawl out of the scale) and staying put (curled up around my hand). When we got home, I immediately set her up with some food, but the entire process was very nerve-wracking. Prying open a baby python's mouth and sliding a rubber tube down their throat isn't something I feel good about. I don't like grabbing snakes by the head; I'm always afraid I'm going to hurt them.
Food got in her and I put her back in her tank, hoping that she'd shake off the shock of the big day she had. I had the immediate feeling that something was off because she didn't go into either of her hides, but instead, just laid where I'd set her down. I wemble and fretted over this, continually checking in on her, but the Engineer told me she was probably just in a daze from riding around in a box, being handled by two strangers, and getting tubed twice (once when I was shown how to do it and once when I did it myself). We went out for the night and when we got home, I immediately made a bee-line for my bedroom to see how she was.
She was in her hot hide, curled up, and everything seemed fine. I breathed many sighs of relief and began to feel better about the whole nasty situation. This morning when I got up, I went to check on her again, and she was next to her hot hide, with half of her body draped over it. Again, sighs of relief.
However, when I went to check in on her in the late afternoon, she was in the same exact position. And while snakes are not exactly known for their great bout of activity, I leaned in for a closer look.
I couldn't tell if she was breathing, so I blew gently on her. This is how I normally let any of the snakes know I'm there, just a gentle and slow puff of breath so they don't freak out. No reaction from that. I opened the tank lid and ran my finger down a bit of her back. No reaction. I nudged her tail off the hide and it just flopped over. That's when I reached in and picked her up.
That's when it was completely evident that she was gone. And it hadn't been that long since she went.
My baby girl.
I'm really fucked up over this because I feel like I did something wrong. I feel like it's my fault. I did everything by the book, but I still feel like I caused this. I'm still not convinced that it wasn't a blockage, despite what the vet said and despite him getting a fecal sample out of her. The area above her anal scale was still slightly swollen up and it just didn't look right. I kept pointing it out to the doctor and he kept telling me she was just "spread out" from being malnourished. I couldn't take her to any other vet in the area for another opinion because either they didn't see reptiles, they wouldn't take any kind of post-dated payment or the Care Credit card (which I now have), or they'd already closed for the day.
I've contemplated taking her body to my regular vet for a necropsy, but I'm not really sure what that will accomplish other than me putting out even more money that I don't have and possibly being told that it was indeed my fucking fault.
Her tank is still in my room, set up like nothing ever happened. And it pains my heart every time I have to walk in there and realize that she's not there any longer.
This fucking sucks.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-10 03:26 pm (UTC)