Note to any and all coworkers, now and present:

[thejunipertree]

Please don't attempt to relate to me. It's just not going to work. Especially if we are from different planets, which we invariably are.

her: Oh wow! Where did you get your boots?
me: Fetishes Boutique. *grin*
her: Is that on South Street?
me: *inwardly cringing* No. It's not.
her: I've never heard of it before. What is it?
me: It's a SEX SHOP. They sell vibrators and whips and boots that are meant to be polished with someone's tongue.
her: Oh, that's cool. You know, I might dress like a dork for work. But, my boyfriend's in a band. (yes, those are her exact words.)

Your boyfriend's in a band and...what?

Your boyfriend's in a band and he shares you with the roadies?
Your boyfriend's in a band and you wear a chainmail bra?
Your boyfriend's in a band and the band calls you "Three Input Woman"?

I want to clue people in on something. And it's a big something.
Just because you are either (a.) in a band or (b.) screwing someone in a band does not automatically grant you status of HIPSTER COOL DADDY-O.

To be quite frank, most of the guys I know who are in bands are fucking dorks. And their girlfriends? Well. They're fucking dorks, too.

(didja geddit? didja? they're fucking dorks! hahahaha! I slay me.)

This co-worker is a nice girl. She really is. I don't mind her breathing the same air as me, which is a rarity. But, for the love of hairspray and pyrotechnics...DON'T attempt to relate to me using your boyfriend's Poison cover band.

Yes.
My name is Tara.
And I'm an elitist snob.

I'm a goth, after all. ;P

Comments

[hexennacht.livejournal.com]

i ate way too much broccoli last night. if my gas can shrivel you into a blackened husk of flesh, does that make me goth?

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

Nope.
It makes ME goth. :D

[vivaemptiness.livejournal.com]

bwa ha ha hah ahah ah ahah ha hahahah hah ah hah you are a poet and a prophet, maam.


ps. everyone sucks.
pps. their bands are probably my clients. L:P

[theepumpkingirl.livejournal.com]

you should ask her if she enjoys being...

and another thing

[theepumpkingirl.livejournal.com]

would you ask Franz to bring
me another box of chocolates?

(special box)

Re: one man enters, two men leave

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

you wanna swordfight?

I'll cut yer leg off.

[missjanette.livejournal.com]

wahahah.
I'm not sure if I understand how having a boy in a band helps you understand vibrators and whips and boots that are meant to be polished with someone's tongue.
I mean, he could be in some kind of amish-god-rock band. *ponders*

and having dated my fair share of guys in bands, I concur. They are fucking dorks. I am also a fucking dork. Who fucks dorks. It's a weakness, I tell you.

sidenote: have not proceeded with operation frozen fish. am contemplating possibilities tho. you know how it is. ;P .

[bluemoonbaby.livejournal.com]

i'd appreciate if you'd keep poison out of this....

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT!

[flemco.livejournal.com]

What if my girlfriend is in a Death Metal band?

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

Are they a Poison death metal cover band?

"rock out with your cock out!!!"

[paranoimia.livejournal.com]

you slay me. :)
sprechen die truth. (yay. quasi-German)

i wonder if she has bleach-blonde teased-to-the-limits-of-gravity hair.

she might like dokken.
she might like winger.
the scorpions.
i could go on, but i won't. it's too painful.

(*shudder*)

[kriskita.livejournal.com]

Is anyone not fucking a dork? I'd like to know. I think cool people don't have sex.