(no subject)
Mar. 23rd, 2010 01:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thejunipertreeTinker was allowed to come home Friday night, which made me extraordinarily happy.
We're still not entirely sure what the hell is exactly going on. The sono results came showing no tumors or lesions, which is awesome. But, everyone is still all CANCER CANCER CANCER because he has lymphocytes in the core sample they took from his belly, his liver is enlarged, his pancreas is enlarged, and one of his lymphnodes is slightly enlarged. White blood count is up.
The problem with this diagnosis, no matter how tentative it may be, is two-fold:
1. to definitively find out if this is cancer, a biopsy would have to be performed on each affected organ. Putting a cat his age under for such an invasive surgery (and it would be) is not the wisest decision.
2. All of his symptoms also point towards just a liver infection.
If it is truly lymphoma, the treatment for that is fairly simple and not all that earth-shattering. Steroids and a chemo drug, three times a week. No specialist, unless I had money lying about in great, vast piles, just begging to be spent. And the chemo drug isn't that expensive.
However, to treat for the cancer and thus, get the script for those chemo pills, there has to be a balls to the wall diagnosis. To get a full-on diagnosis of lymphoma, we would have to do the biopsy.
I'm of the mind that this is really some kind of liver infection, or at least- I'm trying to convince myself of that. And maybe he does actually have lymphoma. But, who's to say that this is what his current problem is? Maybe an infection just really has him down and if this had never happened, we wouldn't have found the lymphoma for a couple more years. I don't know. It's as nice of a thought as I get right now.
At the moment, we are just giving him some meds. Antibiotics, in case it really is an infection; a vitamin supplement, and something else that is currently escaping me. For the next two weeks, I have to make sure he eats, drinks, and uses the litterbox. Then, we'll retest his levels and see what they say. After that, I haven't put a lot of thought into yet. Bridges needing to be crossed when we reach them and all that sunshine.
He's currently out in the living room, lying in front of my altar. He's been chilling in a number of weird places in the apartment, and has been ever since all of this originally started back in January with that damn head cold. He hangs out in places that he never did before and almost totally ignores my and the Engineer presences unless we pick him up or pet him. That's just not like him. He was always glued to my side and when I wasn't home, he would torture the Engineer for attention. He doesn't sleep with us any more and hardly ever makes a peep.
Baby is also acting like he got dropped into Bizarro World. If Tinker was affectionate, then that would have made Baby a downright stalker. You couldn't sit down or recline anywhere in this place, including the bathtub, without him up in your grill and looking for love. And at night, he would curl so close to the Engineer's back, that he was frequently in danger of being squished due to a middle of the night changing of sleep position. Now, he spends all his time under the ottoman (although when I went out into the living room just now, he was lying on the recliner, which is weird in and of itself).
I know they're both elderly and not feeling well, but the personality changes freak me the fuck out. I'm not a person who has the strongest grasp on her perception of reality to begin with and I'm very much a creature of habit and ritual. I have a hard time coping with shifts in my environment. Taking away these two's normal behavior in my day-to-day is upsetting me almost as much as their illnesses themselves.
It's like they're already not here, which is a mournful concept I had to deal with during my mother's illness and subsequent death, and not something I really feel comfortable with in handling all over again. It's bad enough I have to process their respective looming demises; that's a hard row to hoe right out the gate. But, taking them away from me before they are actually taken away from me is just fucking cruel.
The cherry on top is that it's both at once. How is that fair?
We're still not entirely sure what the hell is exactly going on. The sono results came showing no tumors or lesions, which is awesome. But, everyone is still all CANCER CANCER CANCER because he has lymphocytes in the core sample they took from his belly, his liver is enlarged, his pancreas is enlarged, and one of his lymphnodes is slightly enlarged. White blood count is up.
The problem with this diagnosis, no matter how tentative it may be, is two-fold:
1. to definitively find out if this is cancer, a biopsy would have to be performed on each affected organ. Putting a cat his age under for such an invasive surgery (and it would be) is not the wisest decision.
2. All of his symptoms also point towards just a liver infection.
If it is truly lymphoma, the treatment for that is fairly simple and not all that earth-shattering. Steroids and a chemo drug, three times a week. No specialist, unless I had money lying about in great, vast piles, just begging to be spent. And the chemo drug isn't that expensive.
However, to treat for the cancer and thus, get the script for those chemo pills, there has to be a balls to the wall diagnosis. To get a full-on diagnosis of lymphoma, we would have to do the biopsy.
I'm of the mind that this is really some kind of liver infection, or at least- I'm trying to convince myself of that. And maybe he does actually have lymphoma. But, who's to say that this is what his current problem is? Maybe an infection just really has him down and if this had never happened, we wouldn't have found the lymphoma for a couple more years. I don't know. It's as nice of a thought as I get right now.
At the moment, we are just giving him some meds. Antibiotics, in case it really is an infection; a vitamin supplement, and something else that is currently escaping me. For the next two weeks, I have to make sure he eats, drinks, and uses the litterbox. Then, we'll retest his levels and see what they say. After that, I haven't put a lot of thought into yet. Bridges needing to be crossed when we reach them and all that sunshine.
He's currently out in the living room, lying in front of my altar. He's been chilling in a number of weird places in the apartment, and has been ever since all of this originally started back in January with that damn head cold. He hangs out in places that he never did before and almost totally ignores my and the Engineer presences unless we pick him up or pet him. That's just not like him. He was always glued to my side and when I wasn't home, he would torture the Engineer for attention. He doesn't sleep with us any more and hardly ever makes a peep.
Baby is also acting like he got dropped into Bizarro World. If Tinker was affectionate, then that would have made Baby a downright stalker. You couldn't sit down or recline anywhere in this place, including the bathtub, without him up in your grill and looking for love. And at night, he would curl so close to the Engineer's back, that he was frequently in danger of being squished due to a middle of the night changing of sleep position. Now, he spends all his time under the ottoman (although when I went out into the living room just now, he was lying on the recliner, which is weird in and of itself).
I know they're both elderly and not feeling well, but the personality changes freak me the fuck out. I'm not a person who has the strongest grasp on her perception of reality to begin with and I'm very much a creature of habit and ritual. I have a hard time coping with shifts in my environment. Taking away these two's normal behavior in my day-to-day is upsetting me almost as much as their illnesses themselves.
It's like they're already not here, which is a mournful concept I had to deal with during my mother's illness and subsequent death, and not something I really feel comfortable with in handling all over again. It's bad enough I have to process their respective looming demises; that's a hard row to hoe right out the gate. But, taking them away from me before they are actually taken away from me is just fucking cruel.
The cherry on top is that it's both at once. How is that fair?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-23 07:23 am (UTC)sometimes i wonder if the losses ever stop.
but then i guess the loss is part & parcel of loving living beings.
a piece of those beings goes on forever
(somewhere? maybe? possibly? for sure inside of us)
its missing the pieces that we no longer have access to
in our physical reality that makes us hurt so fucking much.
*more hugs than youd probably be comfortable with*
;)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-23 12:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-23 03:23 pm (UTC)Your cats are amazing, have amazing lives and no matter what happens, you should feel very proud of yourself and of them. Keeping two ill cats going is a sign of excellent character and makes me very glad I have met you.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-25 05:15 pm (UTC)It's the deterioration and my feeling of utter helplessness that's really getting stuck in my craw.
I started out this trip with five cats. The three who died were of the result of illness, but it happened fairly quickly when it got right down to it and I didn't have to spend all this time worrying about what I'm going to find when I come home at night or wake up in the morning. It's killing me.
Now, Tinker's not eating like he was before. Again. Last night, I went out and bought a variety of the stinkiest food I could find (which, dear LAWD, does this shit stink). He ate a bit, but then horked it up (I think it's because I gave him his meds right after).
The vet just called me and we discussed it all. He suggested going the route of Predisone (or however it's spelled) to see if he responds to that. I don't know. I'm about ready to blow up the moon, at this point.
But, thank you for all of your kind thoughts. I really do appreciate it.