the hat is wearing me

[thejunipertree]

Quarter to four in the morning and I'm still
sitting up, watching the lights on the tree
fade slowly in and out.

My eyes are sore, from reading misbegotten red
lettering on a pale green background. The person
who has this page is a fucking miscreant and
deserves to be shot in the skull for her
crimes against humanity. I mean, what the hell
was she thinking?!

So this is Christmas...

Every year, things get bad for me round about
this time. I get depressed every year as well,
from remembering the things which happened the
year previous.

This year, however, is a bit different. Things
were good last time around. So good, that I
believed my heart was about ready to burst from
my chest with barely contained joy.

Okay, maybe not quite all THAT good. But, I was
fairly fucking happy. For me.

I was on the threshold of so much wonderfulness.
The potential for greatness, contentness, and
being complete was almost at its apex. Cruise
control. The whole nine, right?

Who would have known how things were going to
turn out?

Yes, the previous year was mighty fun. But,
this one is already starting to suck shit. It
began that this summer.

I realise that I have quite a bit to be thankful
for and many things in my life that I am
terribly grateful over. But, all the same, I
still feel as if I'm living in a half-lit
world.

Now, I constantly walk around waiting for the
other shoe to drop. Damocles' sword and all of
that other hippie fucking nonsense.

The joke's on me.
hahahahahahahahahahaha

Comments

[underwaterthing.livejournal.com]

tis the season... for feeling haunted by ghosts of winters past. or something like that. ugh. i think this is why so many people spend the holidays being utterly blitzed. :|
anyway. i hear ya, sister, in my own non-articulate special way.

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

I only wish that I could spend the holidays
blitzed. Getting drunk or high beyond all imaginable
belief would not be a good thing right now.

I haven't done anything like that in so long,
I don't think my system would be able to handle it.

And despite all of that, I wish to remain as
clear minded as Taraly possible.

Silly me. Blar!

[underwaterthing.livejournal.com]

there's a lot to be said for staying sober. sXe!!!
(i have an ex who always thought that sXe was hax0r for 'sexy.' stab stab.)

Taraly, Taraly sounds like something they should sing at renn faires.
Tara Misu would be a good dessert.
You may kill me now if you wish.

[missjanette.livejournal.com]

christ, woman.
sing me that song, I know it all too well.

I've had a parade of bad xmases past & various other things to make myself sick with. I keep telling myself next year will be better. What else can you do? Giving up is not really a valid option.

hope the fog lifts, for all of us.

i'll be on aim today & tomorrow, drop me a line.