Where's my tiara, bitch?

[thejunipertree]

Wee Heather took the Slut test this evening
and got 67%. Which means I'm sluttier than
she is. Do I get a sparkly crown and a scepter
now? I would like that.

The move into the new apartment is tomorrow
and I'm dreading it. Not because of the
new place, but because of the move itself.
Moving is an extremely stressful event that
I have put myself through more times than
I'd care to even count.
I'm just hoping that it won't be sinister hot
like it was yesterday. Or I shall be a very
unhappy girl.

I get my own space, however. Albeit a thirty
six inch wide space. That was not a typo. I
said inch. It's a very large hall closet. About
nine feet long. And thirty six inches wide
(I measured). But, it has a door and it's own
light. And I can do whatever I want with it.
Which sure as hell beats sleeping on a couch
like I have been doing for the past ten months.
Sleeping on a couch and having absolutely
no privacy whatsoever.

I didn't speak with Richard today and I
reckon that I won't be for the next couple of
days, at least until I get the computer hooked
back up. He sent me a few emails this evening,
but by the time I'd gotten home from all
my travels, he'd gone offline. He doesn't
seem to recognise the fact how unhappy I am
right now. Which bothers me, to a certain
degree.

The other night, I was crying on the phone
to him. Absolutely sobbing. And he just doesn't
see why. He thinks it's all his fault, that
somehow he's the horrible person doing these
things to me. That he's a let down and a
disappointment.

But, in reality-he's just not attentive. Which
I need tremendously. Not only that, but he's
done fuck all for getting back to me. Or getting
me to him. It's always "Things will work out."
or alternatively "Everything will be okay. It
has to be."

Where in the world is there a written law that
if you love someone, nothing will hold you back?
Bollocks. Bad things happen to good people. And
I'm not even necessarily a good person, by all
rights. I've done horrible things to other
members of the human race. Things which keep me
awake at night because I can't stop thinking
about them.

Every time I bring up possible solutions to
our problem, the Immigration problem, he
drags his feet. Which is a new reaction. Before,
it was "whatever it takes". Now, it's "I'm
afraid". There's always a new problem or trouble
with his father's business or Bena's slashing
herself up and needs his help.

Fuck. That.

He's supposed to be in love with me.
Sometimes, and only sometimes, I doubt this.

I don't like feeling this way.