*sighs*

[thejunipertree]

It's half eight. And he still hasn't sent me any
form of contact today, whatsoever. Half eight over
in Scotland is half one in the morning.
Why do I even bother getting upset anymore? This
is how it just came to be. Things used to be
different. I used to be the stars and the moon.
Now, I only seem to be a responsibility. Like
everything else in his life, I've become a drain
of resources.
I tell him these ideas and they're immediately met
with opposition. No, no, no...it's nothing like
that. You are the only name which crosses my lips.
You're written over my heart. You.
BAH!
Neglect seems to be the common thread in my life.
And abandonment. Let downs. Disappointment.
And through it all, I still can't help but feel
that everything is always my fault. Every bad
happenstance comes due to my actions.
I suppose it serves me right, for all of the
horrible deeds which were committed by me in
previous months to other people.
I'm not a bad person, I'm really not.
But, by God, am I a jinx.
Everyone who comes into contact with me falls
apart.

Now...he's come online only moments ago. To tell
me of the busy, eventful day he's had. And how
he'll only be online for a little while because
he has to sleep and have another busy, eventful
day tomorrow.

I'm a harpy.

I shouldn't begrudge him his freedom. After all,
he'd do the same for me. But, I can't help but be
resentful of the non-attention.

I don't know. I'm such a fucking idiot girl. It
makes me physically sick to my stomach.