Monster Mania 2004

Miss Robin and I have decided to set up a booth at the upcoming (well, in August) Monster Mania convention, which is taking place in our home state of New Jersey.

We're going to sell hotdogs and donuts. Maybe cans of soda.

See, my theory is this: hotel food is disgustingly expensive (at the tattoo convention we went to last weekend, they had salads in the hotel restaraunt for OVER TEN DOLLARS), therefore, people will be very willing to shell out their money for some hotdogs and donuts. Anyone who disagrees with my theory is a dumbass.

I'll have that gold tooth I've been wanting in NO TIME FLAT, co-running this gig.

(no subject)

The stupidest words and sayings really get on my nerves, though I can't fully explain why. It's as if they are physically assaulting my ears and it makes me want to jab people in the eye with the nearest sharp object.

Those of you who know me well have heard me rant about certain words and phrases before, so I'm sure that by now you're old hat at ignoring me when I get crazy about this.

However, I've got a new one: MOUTH FEEL.

I'll even use it in a sentence for you. "That peanut butter has a slightly gritty mouth feel to it."

What the blithering fuck?

Isn't there a better way of comunicating that the fucking peanut butter tastes like someone threw a handful of sand in it?

Mouth feel. The mouth feel of food. As opposed to the fucking finger feel or foot feel or throat feel or eyeball feel. FOOD GOES IN YOUR MOUTH, WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU BE FEELING IT?!

Hey, here's an idea. How about using the word TEXTURE to describe the TEXTURE of whatever it is that you're currently shovelling into your gaping piehole?!




I'm irrational, I'm well aware of this.

( and now a list of words and sayings that bother me for explainable reason: )

I know I've been through this all before, I know.

To counter my negativity, the best word in the world still is and will forever remain: SPIGOT.