(no subject)

[thejunipertree]

The life insurance policy for my mother's car has finally been completed. I made a photocopy of everything for my records and then addressed the envelope, frowning at my jagged handwriting. Sealed it with tape because I refuse to lick envelope glue.

Now it's sitting here on my desk and I keep glancing at it, rather then, you know, PUTTING IT IN THE MAIL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD.

For some absolute bullshit reason, I'm having a hard time with this.

In about a month, it'll mark the year anniversary of when she went into the hospital for her fractured pelvis and never came home again.

I have to go outside and walk laps around the parking lot for a bit. Need to get this shit under control.

Comments

[rowan-1958.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, and I say this with all the love that I feel for you, and as someone who's been where you are, getting it "under control" will only prove a short-term thing....you need to get rid of it, whether it's by holing up in your bedroom and crying and screaming at the top of your lungs; getting into some form of therapy; sitting with the people you know have been through this and getting it off your chest completely....keeping it under control is wreaking havoc with your health, both physically and mentally. Mail the envelope, do your laps, but let it go. Please....

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

getting it "under control" will only prove a short-term thing....

The 'getting it under control' thing was only based on being at work when I was writing it.

I've been a lot better lately about not holding things in, even though it's usually when I'm by myself. I still have an absolutely disgusting aversion to crying in front of people I care about, I don't know why. Great lengths are taken to avoid it. But, I have been talking about things more.

I won't lie and say that I'm still not holding things back, because I am. But more and more is being let out, bits at a time. Probably not the best way to do it, but I'm not sure if I can go into a full-on share-fest.

I do appreciate everything you have to say on the matter, though. You make me think about things from angles that I didn't previously.

[rowan-1958.livejournal.com]

You know what I just realized? You have dark eyes...like a doll's eyes...hehehehe. I'm glad to hear that you're letting things out, even a little at at time. Every time I hear that you're not feeling well, or you have a headache, I want to come over and get you alone and just push and push until you cry. I know, it's not up to me to mommy you, especially given the circumstances, but I don't like seeing people I care about in distress, either aware or unaware they are. Love you kiddo.