(no subject)

[thejunipertree]

The life insurance policy for my mother's car has finally been completed. I made a photocopy of everything for my records and then addressed the envelope, frowning at my jagged handwriting. Sealed it with tape because I refuse to lick envelope glue.

Now it's sitting here on my desk and I keep glancing at it, rather then, you know, PUTTING IT IN THE MAIL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD.

For some absolute bullshit reason, I'm having a hard time with this.

In about a month, it'll mark the year anniversary of when she went into the hospital for her fractured pelvis and never came home again.

I have to go outside and walk laps around the parking lot for a bit. Need to get this shit under control.

Comments

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

getting it "under control" will only prove a short-term thing....

The 'getting it under control' thing was only based on being at work when I was writing it.

I've been a lot better lately about not holding things in, even though it's usually when I'm by myself. I still have an absolutely disgusting aversion to crying in front of people I care about, I don't know why. Great lengths are taken to avoid it. But, I have been talking about things more.

I won't lie and say that I'm still not holding things back, because I am. But more and more is being let out, bits at a time. Probably not the best way to do it, but I'm not sure if I can go into a full-on share-fest.

I do appreciate everything you have to say on the matter, though. You make me think about things from angles that I didn't previously.

[rowan-1958.livejournal.com]

You know what I just realized? You have dark eyes...like a doll's eyes...hehehehe. I'm glad to hear that you're letting things out, even a little at at time. Every time I hear that you're not feeling well, or you have a headache, I want to come over and get you alone and just push and push until you cry. I know, it's not up to me to mommy you, especially given the circumstances, but I don't like seeing people I care about in distress, either aware or unaware they are. Love you kiddo.