[no smoking] day two, early evening

[thejunipertree]

I just got done pacing around the parking lot at work. On the phone with the Engineer, crying. Then laughing, then crying again.

Things have gotten significantly worse since this afternoon.

I don't think I can do this cold turkey. I really don't.

I mean, I'm willful and stubborn and all of that other fun shit, but holy fuck. This is no joke. I've never felt like this before in my entire life. It's scary.

Why do I keep crying?!

Comments

[ninjalicious.livejournal.com]

Do you have insurance? Have you heard of Chantix? I keep hearing it described as an anti-smoking miracle. Of course this doesn't help you in the tonight sense.. but if you end up feeling certain about quitting it seems like it could probably aid and abett.

[ninjalicious.livejournal.com]

Abet even.

[babyraven.livejournal.com]

Will you still get an A if you try an aid like Nicorette or the patch?

[(Anonymous)]

Zyban. That Zyban stuff really, really works well...

You're braver than I am...Or less stubborn...My employer just banned smoking on campus and now, even though I was thinking about quitting, I just won't right now because they told me I had to...*sigh*

Elizabeth

[smokeandreason.livejournal.com]

You keep crying because you're used to having a cigarette when you're on-edge (which may be more often than you think). I do it, too.

When I'm with S., I rarely smoke for the entirety of the time I'm with him (we'll say Friday night through Sunday night). I don't even smoke on the hour-plus drive on the way there.

And . . . unless something sets me off (and with the current situation, that's pretty easy), I'm able to be distracted enough to quit. It's a three-day-at-a-time quittage, but it's still quittage.

Of course, the second I'm in the car to go home, I'm niccing and craving the dopamine fix so bad that I sometimes literally can barely pull out of his driveway before I've lit one up. Because any stressor that I'd accumulated during that stay, I'd had to suppress.

I can be a variably heavy smoker; I smoke when I'm bored, I smoke after I've eaten, I smoke socially . . . but most of all, I smoke when I'm not happy. And I'm often unhappy, so I can burn 'em away like a pro.

But I'm able to stop, for those three days, because I'm distracted. And perhaps that's something that you could find to put towards your effort, if the aides such as the patch and gum and such aren't permissible. I don't know what would be an applicable distraction for you, but search your thoughts and you might find one.

Good luck. You've got my sympathies for the withdrawal and my total support for the effort you've made and will continue to make. You're strong. You can do this. And you deserve tar-free lungs. *snugz*

I know where you're at....

[tony-s.livejournal.com]

Hey dearie...

You're almost through the actual chemical withdrawl. That's the worst of it. You'll start feeling sane-ish again in a day or 2. You can do it. Once the chemical part is over, its all about keeping yourself focused and keeping yourself from reverting to old behaviors. godspeed.

Re: I know where you're at....

[meetzemonsta.livejournal.com]

You can do it.

I caved.

It got really bad after I posted that entry. Like seriously bad. I've never felt anything like that before in my life; I can't put it into words. And it scared the crap out of me.

Now I'm having angst trouble with the certifiable proof that I am, indeed, actually human.